decembering at work

 

toots, you ain't cute.

the baby _can_ come out of the stroller, you just don't wanna.

the carseat _does_ come out; you don't buckle the whole stroller like that into the back seat. you just don't wanna.

you will miraculously figure out how all of it works if you wanna get on that plane. 

 

"ma'am. 'grinch' is probably the nicest word to describe me at the moment, but it's close. calling me names does not change the size of the liquid in your bag and your options have remained the same. choose, please."

 

"sir, you do not have any ID. nothing. your flight began boarding 10 minutes ago and you are just now getting to the airport? we have been open for FIVE HOURS. no, I will not let you through 'just this once,' no, I will not break they law for you, and no it is not my fault if you fail to board your plane."

 

"your bag will not be able to fly today ma'am. not at all. you have live roaches in your bag. that is a health code violation. I can call southwest if you like and they can deny your boarding instead, but this bag is not going on the plane."

done.

finished.

let me go home.

 

ET mandatory extracurriculars

 

dear high school,

 

my son is, for the first time since 5th grade, turning in completed work on time on a regular basis, thanks in part to the social "study hall" he is provided after lunch daily. he is also able to use that time to seek help in classes. I encourage him to complete his homework in this social group. 

 

your phone call about socialization and "required" extra-curricular activities implies that my son has no life outside school and must gain fulfillment and acceptance in your little society in order to succeed. the one activity in which he was interested was cancelled due to lack of teacher sponsor. he continues to participate in orchestra as an elective. that is extra-curricular enough for me.

 

I will have you know that my son is a boy scout. he is active in his troop, participating in fund raisers, community events, and mentoring younger scouts on a regular basis. as a matter of fact, he just led last week's meeting, the subject being "public speaking." this social activity exposes him to far more real-world meetings and prepared him for functioning in meetings and "group thinks" as you call them, than any monthly or twice-monthly lunch time club you could dream up. 

 

further, if you take his lunch time study hall away, forcing him to participate in a group dynamic in which he has no interest, he will lose out on the time he requested to take an online class after school with his homeschooled brother.

 

I think our schedule, study time, and extra-curriculars are just fine the way they are. we just got things working. do not interfere.

 

love and kisses,

the General

last santa paper scraps

 

we have been touched by His Noodley Appendage: fantastical lasagne for our pastafarian dinner and round one of presents opened. not too bad, since I just bought them today. sipping a cider, reminiscing about the past year, projecting about the next, pondering a boy's request to "camp in the mountains," another boy's upcoming rites of passage, a big girl moving on, and a little girl getting big.....

I am one grateful mommy.

so, Santa. every year we have a gift from Santa, wrapped in different paper from the rest of the lot. it's always red paper or has a Santa print. this year, my youngest confided that she no longer believed. that's ok. we ran out of Santa paper last year anyway. here, friends, are the final scraps of Santa paper, fetched from the bottom of the wrap box. it was a good run.  

blue, blue throughput

 

in my best Elvis Presley voice: 

 

(spoken) darling, I know you have places to go. I know exactly what it means to have a plane to catch. you show up here late, without your boarding pass, expect to get to the head of the line, and walk through with your bags on your shoulder, and keep your fancy shampoo..... but baby I got rules to follow. if you can do one thing for anybody this Christmas, it's get your act together baby.

(crooning) until you got in line

my queue was moving just fine.

because of you,

I'll have a blue

blue blue throughput

communication in the box

I speak Spanish.

I speak French.

I speak American Sign Language.

I speak Arabic.

 

I try _very_ hard to communicate. if you are a native English speaker, and I have to resort to charades to make you understand "place your feet on the yellow marks. those yellow marks. on the floor. look down. down is where your feet are. here. follow my finger. [insert gasping sigh and temple rub] one foot on each mark. no. turn and face this way. this way. ma'am. put your feet back on the marks....." you do not have the right to get pissy with ME. and the other passengers can laugh at you. I will not stop them.

it's amazing that I can speak in broken phrases in other languages and they understand me, but this happened to me THREE times today alone.

one woman didn't respond to anything I said, so I started asking "what language do you speak?" in multiple languages. she snapped back, "I speak English!" and I answered, "well I sure couldn't tell!!"

another one said I didn't have to be so condescending. I told her that next time I won't- if she can follow basic instructions the first three times.

 

the third one I actually had to tap her feet and then tap them on the floor where I wanted them to go. I have had far less difficulty with visual and hearing impaired and language barriers. 

butternut squash mac & cheese

 from cooking light magazine 

4 cups (generous) Butternut Squash, cubed and peeled
2 cups reduced sodium Chicken Broth or reduced sodium Vegetable Broth
1 1/2 cups low fat Milk
1/4 cup plain 2% fat Greek Yogurt
1 1/2 teaspoons dry mustard
1 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Black Pepper
1 cup shredded Gruyere Cheese
1 cup grated Pecorino Romano Cheese
1 cup grated White Cheddar Cheese
1 box (1 pound) large elbow noodles, cooked al dente

1. Preheat oven to 375F.  In a large pot, combine cubed butternut squash and chicken broth and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer for 20-25 minutes, until squash is tender.
2. Remove from heat. Add milk, Greek yogurt, dry mustard, salt, pepper and puree until smooth with an immersion blender. Stir in Gruyere and Romano cheeses until melted and then fold in pasta.  Pour everything into a large cast iron skillet or 13 x 9-inch baking dish lightly brushed with olive oil.
3. Bake for 20 minutes. Remove from oven and turn oven to Broil (Low setting).  Sprinkle cheddar cheese over macaroni and return to oven for an additional 3-5 minutes until cheese has browned and some edges of noodles are crisp.

navajo fry bread

 

2 cups flour

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/4 cups warm milk

 

1. mix all together; let rest for 15 minutes. heat oil to boiling.

2. sprinkle flour over dough and hands. pull spoonful of dough out flat ~3-4" in diameter and slide vertically into hot oil. (dropping it flat into the pot will splash the oil on you). 

3. cook 2-4 minutes, turn, and cook again till golden brown. let cool a few minutes on paper towels.

 

also good sprinkled with cinna-sugar while hot or drizzled with honey for breakfast or dessert.