january 2015 work m-m-m-madness

somebody please restore my faith in the usmc..... how do you NOT know where you are stationed? you can't give a building number? or a name? or a street? you don't even know your zip code? all you got is a city?

how about a longitude & latitude? you got that? clicks? anything? smdh....

 

bitch button was stuck "on" for some reason... just spoken:

"no. I don't work here. I just like the clothes." ... and he walked away....

"yes this is brand new as of 2006."

"babies are not 4. babies are 2 or younger." (to which the child in question shouts indignantly, "I'm not a baby!")

 

4th time is a charm.... finally made it off the lane, through the checkpoint, down the hall, and seated before being called on the radio.....

 

treating myself to some starbucks.... I didn't bite that SOB even though I think he deserved it. it's not a bribe. it's positive reinforcement.

 

"so, you're telling me that the website is wrong? because the website clearly states that liquids in unopened containers up to 72 oz are allowed."

so, um ....no. that's more than a friggin gallon. no. head back to bed and start your day over.

 

you want my co-worker to "shut up and get to work," do ya?

1) a wet spill is being cleaned up in that area, so you can't use that lane ANYway.

2) she is advising passengers what to do back here so they don't hold the line up over there.

3) if passengers did more listening and less griping, this line would be moving faster.

you have stood in three lines today? that would be due to the fact that you aren't a PreCheck passenger and you stood in two PreCheck lines. I can't be held responsible for your reading abilities, sir. good day. *turned away*

this close [ ] to swearing today.

riiiiiiiiiiight.

you were cutting your husband's hair at 4 am and realized it was time to get to the airport. so, you consciously made the decision and took action to shove the scissors down your pants on the inner thigh, then put on another pair of pants...... and forgot about the scissors.

just so you know, you can keep talking, but there is nothing you can say that will alter this scenario. nothing.

 

oh. you are a precheck passenger.

oh. you have a plane to catch.

oh. I shouldn't need to check anything.

oh. you want to complain because of the alarm resolution procedures.

oh. you are going to throw your shoe at me?

bring it, bitch.

new digs for little bear

eighteen years and five months ago, I brought you home from the hospital. you were wearing a pooh hat, pooh socks, and swaddled in a pooh blanket. sweet cheeks, beautiful blue eyes.... and screamed day and night. my poor little pooh bear. when you got glasses, you were the most precocious little thing with your "probally" and "amosht" and "I don't really think so." your british accent was adorable, and we loved you anyway when you dropped it upon our return to the states. smart. smart. smart. we couldn't find teachers to teach you as fast as you picked things up. you sang your heart out when you thought no one was around and your art has been blossoming in the pages of your sketchbooks. you graduated at 16 after a truly awful senior year, giving the finger to those who thought you wouldn't make it, and making us so proud to watch you. you landed your first job and quickly made friends, as I knew you would. sweet, smart, funny, adorable little bear of mine.

 

tonight, you are spreading your wings. I am not gonna lie: I miss you already. you still have your key. you had better not knock on my front door because you live here now and always. don't be a stranger. call your mother. stop by for dinner. and remember you have a piece of my heart.

 

I love you, Little Bear. happy first moving day.

 

last santa paper scraps

 

we have been touched by His Noodley Appendage: fantastical lasagne for our pastafarian dinner and round one of presents opened. not too bad, since I just bought them today. sipping a cider, reminiscing about the past year, projecting about the next, pondering a boy's request to "camp in the mountains," another boy's upcoming rites of passage, a big girl moving on, and a little girl getting big.....

I am one grateful mommy.

so, Santa. every year we have a gift from Santa, wrapped in different paper from the rest of the lot. it's always red paper or has a Santa print. this year, my youngest confided that she no longer believed. that's ok. we ran out of Santa paper last year anyway. here, friends, are the final scraps of Santa paper, fetched from the bottom of the wrap box. it was a good run.  

decembering at work

 

toots, you ain't cute.

the baby _can_ come out of the stroller, you just don't wanna.

the carseat _does_ come out; you don't buckle the whole stroller like that into the back seat. you just don't wanna.

you will miraculously figure out how all of it works if you wanna get on that plane. 

 

"ma'am. 'grinch' is probably the nicest word to describe me at the moment, but it's close. calling me names does not change the size of the liquid in your bag and your options have remained the same. choose, please."

 

"sir, you do not have any ID. nothing. your flight began boarding 10 minutes ago and you are just now getting to the airport? we have been open for FIVE HOURS. no, I will not let you through 'just this once,' no, I will not break they law for you, and no it is not my fault if you fail to board your plane."

 

"your bag will not be able to fly today ma'am. not at all. you have live roaches in your bag. that is a health code violation. I can call southwest if you like and they can deny your boarding instead, but this bag is not going on the plane."

 

 

done.

finished.

let me go home.

 

ET mandatory extracurriculars

 

dear high school,

 

my son is, for the first time since 5th grade, turning in completed work on time on a regular basis, thanks in part to the social "study hall" he is provided after lunch daily. he is also able to use that time to seek help in classes. I encourage him to complete his homework in this social group. 

 

your phone call about socialization and "required" extra-curricular activities implies that my son has no life outside school and must gain fulfillment and acceptance in your little society in order to succeed. the one activity in which he was interested was cancelled due to lack of teacher sponsor. he continues to participate in orchestra as an elective. that is extra-curricular enough for me.

 

I will have you know that my son is a boy scout. he is active in his troop, participating in fund raisers, community events, and mentoring younger scouts on a regular basis. as a matter of fact, he just led last week's meeting, the subject being "public speaking." this social activity exposes him to far more real-world meetings and prepared him for functioning in meetings and "group thinks" as you call them, than any monthly or twice-monthly lunch time club you could dream up. 

 

further, if you take his lunch time study hall away, forcing him to participate in a group dynamic in which he has no interest, he will lose out on the time he requested to take an online class after school with his homeschooled brother.

 

I think our schedule, study time, and extra-curriculars are just fine the way they are. we just got things working. do not interfere.

 

love and kisses,

the General

 

 

 

update 1/13/15:
update on the note to the high school regarding the lunchtime gamer club: the physics teacher has agreed to sponsor the self-named "Nerdtendo" group. vindication has a soundtrack that sounds like the mario star song... pretend I am all glowy like I ran into a star.  

blue, blue throughput

 

in my best Elvis Presley voice: 

 

(spoken) darling, I know you have places to go. I know exactly what it means to have a plane to catch. you show up here late, without your boarding pass, expect to get to the head of the line, and walk through with your bags on your shoulder, and keep your fancy shampoo..... but baby I got rules to follow. if you can do one thing for anybody this Christmas, it's get your act together baby.

(crooning) until you got in line

my queue was moving just fine.

because of you,

I'll have a blue

blue blue throughput

communication in the box

I speak Spanish.

I speak French.

I speak American Sign Language.

I speak Arabic.

 

I try _very_ hard to communicate. if you are a native English speaker, and I have to resort to charades to make you understand "place your feet on the yellow marks. those yellow marks. on the floor. look down. down is where your feet are. here. follow my finger. [insert gasping sigh and temple rub] one foot on each mark. no. turn and face this way. this way. ma'am. put your feet back on the marks....." you do not have the right to get pissy with ME. and the other passengers can laugh at you. I will not stop them.

it's amazing that I can speak in broken phrases in other languages and they understand me, but this happened to me THREE times today alone.

one woman didn't respond to anything I said, so I started asking "what language do you speak?" in multiple languages. she snapped back, "I speak English!" and I answered, "well I sure couldn't tell!!"

another one said I didn't have to be so condescending. I told her that next time I won't- if she can follow basic instructions the first three times.

 

the third one I actually had to tap her feet and then tap them on the floor where I wanted them to go. I have had far less difficulty with visual and hearing impaired and language barriers.