dear left hand,
this letter is to inform you that your failure to maintain a grip on the coffee mug this morning was out of line. your negligence caused coffee to spill from the aforementioned mug onto both the day's to-do list and the grocery list, as well as the table and a fresh placemat. your failure also caused minor burns to the right hand, who must be commended for not only gripping the mug properly, but doing so in a catastrophic situation while preventing further spillage and injury to the rest of the body. you are now reminded that you are, in fact, ambidextrous and able to complete menial tasks such as holding coffee mugs. let us hope that this infraction is singular in nature. we look forward to continued use in the future and better attention to detail.
cordially,
brain
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