what the what?

 

I just pissed off a teenaged boy by announcing that we are going to overhaul this. 

yes, today. 

yes, now. 

yes, i'm serious. 

yes, you are helping. 

oooohoho, yes you are. 

yes, you can stop mumbling hate under your breath at me.

 yes, I heard that. 

 

can't say I am always the negative nancy, huh? see all those yesses, just for you?

 

it's like a live action "where's waldo?" up in this joint. can you find...

nemo?

red fire truck?

matching pair of shoes?

wet swim wear?

pieces from TWO DIFFERENT "sequence" games?

empty water bottle? (that one is HARD)

a miniature saber?

a public school xylophone case?

 

 

animals put away.

SIX loads of laundry lined up for the washer.... 

going through the "does it fit/do you wear it/then why was it not put away" process the rest of the night.

toys sorted to give away.

game pieces sorted from broken bits.

legos sorted.

unbelievable number of school supplies discovered and put away.

one full bag of trash.

camping gear sorted & put away.

discussed their ideas for better organization. purchases on the way soon. vacuuming commencing.

 

 

to the disgruntled delta passenger

 

to the disgruntled delta passenger:

 

yes. the airport has lines. sometimes they are long lines. on the first day of summer vacation, the lines were pretty spectacular. suffice it to say, the federal government slashed their budget in the recent past. i'm sure that was in the news somewhere. perhaps the baltimore sun. (remember that big "furlough" when we at the airport all came to work for 17 days, unpaid? i do.) and we have been in a hiring freeze for.... oh, maybe a year or more now. 

 

when you stomped up to the supervisor and started the conversation with "i am a writer for the baltimore sun," that just threw your credibility in the toilet. now i know why you were complaining. you were digging for a story. fortunately the supervisor kept a cool head and did his best to explain the situation. but you weren't having any of it. you went from a general complaint about the time in line to how disgraceful it was that "that guy over there is just lounging in his chair, relaxing, kicking his feet up, when he should be out here working and opening up another lane."

 

what you DON'T know, is that we are following mandatory staffing rules. we don't make these rules. you don't need to know what those rules are. your hateful words spat out about my "lazy" co-worker boil down to this: he has a broken foot. he was sitting, with his foot slightly elevated on a stool, manning a position and doing his job. when was the last time you showed up to work and performed your full duties with a broken foot? yeah. that was what i thought. i bet you took time to sit at a desk or worked from your couch, huh? not an option for us. he came in, injured, and staffed a mandatory position. without him, another officer would be standing in that place. you should be thanking him for showing up for work when he could easily say he needed to sit at home and rest.

 

perhaps you should, as a "writer for the baltimore sun," step back, look at all the facts, take in the entire situation, and objectively assess all the angles before forming an opinion. but maybe the baltimore sun is just interested in selling drama.

peanut butter dream cake

CAKE 

Use a marble cake box mix.

For the vanilla portion of the cake mix, combine:

1-1/4 c water

1/2 c pbutter

3 eggs

1/3 c oil

Add 1C peanut butter chips to the (now) peanut butter batter. 

 

For the chocolate portion of the cake, mix, follow the directions on the box

Add 1/2 C of chocolate chips to the chocolate batter.

Pour pbutter batter into prepared pan. Glob the chocolate batter in and swirl.

Bake according to box. Cool completely. (Invert bundt onto serving tray or plate.) 

GLAZES

 

peanut butter: 1/4 C pbutter, 1/2 c powdered sugar, 1-2 tablespoons milk (add slowly while stirring) combine till it slides off the spoon.

 

chocolate: 2 tablespoons cocoa powder (not hot cocoa), 1/2 c powdered sugar, 1-2 tablespoons each oil and milk. (add slowly while stirring)  combine till it slides off the spoon.

 

pour glazes over cake in swirls. 

 

 

lars and the bat house

 LARS FINISHED HIS PAPER!!  no, it is not perfect and i have no idea what is supposed to be "on par" with grade level, but wow....so excited to show off how much he has improved!  over the course of two weeks  we discussed theme mapping techniques (to organize his thoughts), sentence length, appropriate phrases, grammar, possessive vs. plural nouns, leading phrases, writing to inform, sentence structure, paragraph structure.... and then he learned how to use the word tabs and tools such as formatting, thesaurus, headers, footers, titles, and proper theme formats.  wow.  he went from 85 words in his first draft to 350 words in his final draft.  keeping his self esteem intact, we have not addressed second/third person writing yet, nor have i taught him proper source documentation.  that will come with time.  but i wanted to show this off because he has come such a long way in the past few weeks.  These are copied and pasted; no corrections made from his drafts.

 

1st DRAFT

     "Building a bat house can help both bats and humans by three ways, the first being human health, the next is saving money, and the last one is bat protection.  These three ways are all needed to keep the bats their and the mosquitoes away.

     Human health is seen when you can tell that there are less Mosquitos.  Mosquitoes just happen to spread west Nile virus, meaning they have a possibly deadly disease but less mosquito's means less west NV.

     Saving money is the simplest of all the three things that are stated in these paragraphs.  Since bats eat lots of mosquitoes, that mean that you don't need to waste your money on repellant bug spray and other bug killing sprays.  Then the outdoors will be ours once again.

     The bats protection will be the most important seeing as the bats can still die from other predators.  Also they will leave if the home you made is not warm.  Since the bats have a fungal infection they are at risk of dying so that's another reason to make the house toasty warn.

     The conclusion is that over all building a bat house is a good idea!  Because of these three ways bats stay to devourer the insects making humans healthier and using less money."

 

 

FINAL DRAFT

    How many mosquitoes do you think bats eat in one night? The facts say bats eat around 1500 mosquitoes every night. Building a bat house can help both bats and humans in three ways. The first way bats help is that bats eat hundreds of mosquitoes every nigh making us less likely to be bitten by mosquitoes. Bats replace all of the expensive bug repellents.The bat houses provide protection for the bats so they don’t get hurt. Bat houses are able to help 10 different species of bats in Maryland. 

    Human health is improved when you can tell that there are fewer Mosquitos. Mosquitoes spread the disease West Nile virus. They spread the West Nile Virus by biting infected birds. Then the mosquitoes they are the transmitters to the humans and other animals. So the bats are eating the mosquitoes, making the outdoors safer.

    Saving money is the simple thing that is the bats help us with. Since the bats eat about 1500 mosquitoes every night, you don’t need to waste your money on repellent bug spray, citronella plants, candles, or tiki torches. In addition, you won’t need to pay as many doctor fees for the West Nile virus. Then the outdoors will be ours once again.

    The bats’ protection is important for many reasons. The first reason is to keep the bat house away from predators on the ground. The next reason is that big brown bats are vulnerable to extinction because they are waking up during the winter and spring due to a fungal infection. The bats wake up and starve because the bugs have not come out yet. Painting the bat house dark colors will help make the house warm so the bats keep hibernating until the bugs come out. 

    Overall, building a bat house is a good idea! Because of these three ways the bats stay to devourer the insects making humans healthier and using less money. By building a bat house it won’t only affect you it will affect the community as well. Helping everyone in the community stay healthier, save money, and preserve the bats so they can live on.

 

 

 

lars drew the bat design on card stock, cut it with a swivel knife, and stenciled the outside of his bat house with exterior spray paint. it needs to dry..... and then we place the shingles.... the support frame is ready for it to hang one I get a spotter!

 

pax gripes

 

"I don't think you understand how this process works. I am global entry. I don't stand in line."

my answer: global entry cards have nothing to do with the line. you're not coded for first class, business class, or pre-check. the end of the line starts back there. next, please.

 

"why is half the checkpoint shut down and inoperable? did anybody come to work today?"

my answer: we are fully staffed. write your congressman.

 

"you people have no idea what efficiency is. look at this mess. it isn't supposed to be like this."

my answer: you should plan to arrive at the airport 2 hours prior to your posted boarding time. we have been open since 4:15. that was 6 hours ago. have a nice day.

 

"it's your fault i'm going to miss my flight. it's because of your line."

my answer: please see the gentleman in the suit at the round desk as you exit the checkpoint.

 

"well your sign says my shoes stay on. one of you is a liar then."

my answer: the sign doesn't know any better. he was sick that day of training class.

 

I. Hate. Today.

canola-rape

 

I have this "allergy" thing.... 

 

when we were stationed in england, just off base was a HUGE field of bright yellow flowers. we discovered that every time the wind blew from that direction or when we drove that way (even with the windows up) I had a severe reaction. my nose literally ran like a faucet. I had to just hold tissues over my nose and add more as they became saturated with violent yellow liquid. alternately, my sinuses swelled til they felt they would burst out of my cheeks. and my eyes burned. we learned the name of the flowers: rape. well. ok.

 

I just learned that canola oil is pressed rapeseed.

 

I changed my oil purchases from vegetable oil to canola oil in 2005-6.... (whenever it was that tad got a high cholesterol test).... I began getting violently ill the fall of 2006.

 

I wonder.... if my allergy to rapeseed _caused_ my gut issues and created the sensitivity to milk. guess what I am eliminating altogether starting today?

DF-GF rice pudding

1 c jasmine rice

4 c almond milk

1 cinnamon stick, broken

1/4 c sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla.

combine in saucepan. 

bring to boil & stir constantly til thickened. cool. 

remove cinnamon. sprinkle with nutmeg.

serve warm or spoon into dishes with tight-fitting lid. 

 

sometimes I add dried apples or cherries while stirring. 

took 20 min. dairy and gluten free. makes enough for me for 4-5 servings.

 

do you wanna build a domain?

 

wake up call for my lartian:

do you wanna build a domain

using mud and sticks and straw?

we have to measure so it's big enough

and strong enough

to make sure it won't fall.

 

do you wanna build a domain?

it's not a human-sized domain...

we can make it lego-sized

and when it dries

then our project will be done.

do you wanna build a domain?

 

 

    

  

DC lesser blossoms

 

dear schools,

 

Please excuse the absence of (my child) on Friday, 11 April 2014. We attended multicultural activities including art, music, science, physical education and history during Washington DC's cherry blossom festival. We attended ahead of the crowds for the sake of our son Lars, whose Asperger's sensitivities benefited from the activity outside of traditional festival hours.

 

We learned the origin of the Festival and the history of the cherry trees from the history section of the website nationalcherryblossomfestival.org. We walked over four miles in our journey. We observed a Japanese dance troup at the Freer Gallery. We sketched images of the Washington monument while listening to Japanese music from the Freer Gallery. We read about the history of Girl Scouting and Jim Henson's Muppets in the National History Museum. We read about different versions of the American flag in the Reagan Building. We sketched in the sculpture garden and and inside the National Gallery of art, visiting the East Wing and learning about impressionism and bas-relief techniques.We discussed the weather patterns and how the harsh, late winter affected the late blooming of the cherry trees, resulting in the delay of the festival.

 

Should you have questions or concerns about the well-rounded, planned educational activities from this date, please do not hesitate to contact me.

 

And then kiss my lily-white ass. 

snow cream

 

if you do nothing else today, make snow cream! best to scoop up your snow before you let the kids play.....

 

1 gallon fresh snow (easier if you remember to put a large bowl outside to catch the flakes as they fall)

1/3-1/2 C granulated sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla (or peppermint!) extract

1 C half & half or milk (coconut milk here)

(1 can condensed milk tastes more like store-bought ice cream, but need to reduce sugar if used.)

 

combine milk, extract & sugar until sugar is completely dissolved, about 3-5 minutes)

stir in the snow, 1C at a time until well combined. spoon into serving dishes & freeze for a few minutes before serving.

 

it just occurred to me that, omitting extract, you could make pretty much any flavor of snow cream by substituting 1 C nondairy coffee creamer for milk.... imagine using caramel macciato: dulce de leche snow cream.... etc...