pride, honor, discipline

a friend's blog touched a nerve the other night. no, i'm not mad at him; the subject just got me thinking and i've been a little bit ticked ever since. the words "Pride, Honor, Discipline" are stenciled across a banner on my basic training t-shirt. it is old, fading, holey, and i generally don't wear it anymore, but i will keep it forever. those three traits have always been around the top of my personality, floating just beneath the surface, yet visible in my daily actions and my words. my parents ingrained them into me long before i heard jody calls and the ringing of 50 heel beats on hot asphalt. how many of those traits do we instill in our kids? how many of them are demonstrated as well as taught? methinks our generation of kids is seriously lacking in more than one of those areas. and that is what has me thinking. and ticked.

"Pride." i think we've all pretty much got that covered. with our heritage months and our t-shirts and bumper stickers proclaiming our religious beliefs and value systems. or lack thereof, in some cases. it gleams in our walls loaded with trophies, certificates, medals and ribbons for all of the things we have accomplished, no matter how small or whether it was for an outstanding individual effort or if the whole team gets one fat happy pat on the back.

or is that all? shouldn't real Pride bleed into the way someone carries themselves? and i'm not necessarily talking about posture; some of that is just hereditary. however worn and used one's clothing may be, however poor and tired one is, effort should be expended to keep noticeably clean and fresh. shouldn't real Pride come from the unnoticed good done every day, for the sake of doing good, not for a special award? a true sense of Pride should come from the accomplishment of doing the best, recognized or not, and wanting to do it again tomorrow.

"Honor." we have that one mostly in sight. there's the biblical "honor thy mother and father," "...to honor and to cherish so long as we both shall live," honorary diplomas and graduation certificates. yeah. and if we don't screw up too badly we can't bring dishonor to our family.

but true Honor comes from being able to make the right choices, whether they are the choices we want to make or not. we know we can get to work faster if we speed, especially when there is little traffic around. and we know where to slow down to avoid the speed traps. but we should just allow enough time to get to work, right? Honor is knowing you don't have enough money in your bank account, and deciding you can go without those shoes until you have enough saved up, rather than writing a bad check, or using money earmarked for something more important to pay for them. Honor is volunteering to help someone and actually following through without making up excuses. c.s. lewis put it quite well when he said, "we laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst." indeed.

"Discipline." that is the one that really sticks in my craw. as parents, we are no longer in control of our own families. everyone has become so nosey in everyone else's business that the slightest form of Discipline is now interpreted as abuse. we are only allowed to speak to our children in low, hushed tones and use kind words to admonish bad behavior. i call the bullshit flag on that one. nothin' like a good loud bellow every once in a while to put a child back into his/her right mind. and god/goddess forbid anybody gets a good old fashioned ass-whuppin' anymore. i can think of a great number of politicians that missed out on this rare staple of childhood and seriously need a severe kick in the pants today. with steel-toed boots.

i see the lack of Discipline every day. every single day. at my work, children blithely ignore their parents when asked to sit down or put something away. they walk away from their parents into someone else's way or into the path of something dangerous and the parents tell them once again in hushed, bored voices to comply. or better yet, they just let them go. again, no response. at this point, i would have my child sitting at my feet, speaking to them in a low stern voice about the dangers of their actions, their consequences. then they would have some sort of privilege revoked. period. there is no discussion, debate, or further questioning. why? because my children have been raised to understand that there are consequences to every action, and i mean what i say. it's called Discipline.

in the schools, students are running wild, hitting teachers and classroom aides, swearing at each other and purposefully damaging school property. teachers aren't allowed to single a child out for punishment. and why? because the child's precious self-esteem might be damaged. well, how about using that sense of shame they are feeling to Discipline them, showing them that they need to Honor the rules and have Pride in themselves to obey? children have learned that our generation of parents (who were raised on time-outs, cartoon network, and self-esteem building) are nothing but a bunch of pushovers. i have seen kids talk their own parents out of punishments as smooth as a greasy lawyer taking a deposition. not in my house.

"i just told you NOT to ride your wheeled toy next to my new car. someone has already put scratches in the paint. you listened to me tell you not to ride there and immediately drove your toy right where i said not to. your consequence: you will still go on the walk with us, but you will not be allowed to ride. you must walk with me now." no buts. lots of tears and howling for 20 minutes. but i stand my friggin ground. i will not be walked upon. *I* am the parent. more parents need to realize that. those tears are not of pain. it's to get their parent to back down, feel sorry for the poor sad little kid. which is exactly what i will not do.

and my kids will be stronger, full of "Pride, Honor, and Discipline" later in life because of that.