i thought i'd try

...to educate the masses, that is. I can but try. Please pass this on; the general traveling public should know, whether they actually want to or not. Summer schedules are here and the longer the lines are, the more upset all the passengers get. Please educate yourselves. I'm so tired of explaining for the ever-present whining "why." If you don't like the rules, there's always Greyhound and Amtrack. You can catch the light rail to both stations downstairs, just outside customs in the international pier.

Nine bag checks in a row. IN. A. ROW. Nine. For the same exact reason. *whipsers "nine"*

And it wasn't even nine people in the same family, it was nine separate travelers, in a row. They all spoke perfect English, so there wasn't a language barrier. They could all ask and answer questions readily, so no hearing impairments or readily visible cognizance issues. So, someone please explain to me why we had the same conversation nine times in a row?

When I try something new for the first time or for the first time in a great long while, I ask a lot of questions. More than once, of more than one person. Call it "information gathering," if you will. It's all old news, really.

I have passengers on both sides of me grumbling louder and louder about the long wait in line. At bag check number seven, I lost it. I have to stop the x-ray machine every time a bag check is called. While all three of my bag checkers are engaged in checking bags four, five, and six, I can do nothing but wait for the next available pair of free hands. Because of the negligence of the passengers to inform themselves about their trip. Does that make the wait in line my fault? Hell no. I don't bring this shit to the airport because *ding ding ding* IT'S NOT ALLOWED!!! Give me a cookie, someone.

On 8-10-06, a plot was discovered involving liquid explosives disguised as sports drinks being brought aboard several aircraft simultaneously. As a result of that discovery, absolutely NO liquids, creams, gels, aerosols, or pastes were allowed in accessible passenger luggage aboard the aircraft. That ban was semi-lifted and these items were then restricted to one quart-size bag per person with containers marked 3.4 fluid ounces or smaller on 9-25-06. It doesn't matter if you just bought it and it is still sealed. It doesn't matter if you just bought it at Starbucks 30 yards away. It doesn't matter if you tell me there's only 2 squeezes left in the tube if it says 8.0 fl.oz on the side. I don't have a scale. And I don't know what is inside, either. No I will not sniff or taste it. You forgot you had it? It's been in that bag forever? Wow. Does "forever" keep your Diet Coke cold? Because the Diet Coke I'm holding is still cold, reminiscent of a cold soda recently plucked from a fridge. Huh. Weird, isn't it? No, you may not drink it here; you may not open an unknown liquid in my presence. Sure you can tell me it's a Diet Coke. You could tell me it's purple fairy piss for all I care. So could anyone else. Including a terrorist. I'm not taking that chance. Leave and drink or chuck it in the trash. The grumbling behind you is getting louder and I have another bag check.

Since 12-22-01, when Richard Reid packed the thick rubber soles of his hiking boots with the sticky clay-like explosive called PETN and led a fuse out the sole and through his shoelaces, all footwear has been required to be removed for x-ray inspection. That word is ALL. Bedroom slippers, bunny slippers, ballet slippers, dress shoes, tennis shoes, flip flops, sandals, high heels, flats, hiking boots, snow boots, cowboy boots...need I go on? That basically includes anything on your foot that is not a sock. You "can't" walk on the floor with other people's feet? Well, can you hover? Huh. Should have thought a little about that when you got dressed this morning. No, I don't have any socks for you. I bought my own, and actually chose to wear them. No I will not remove my boots and share my socks with you either. Shoes off. And yes, your funky shoes with electronic widg-e-ma-doos, light-ups, massagers, wheels, whistles, drinking flasks (yes, that is what I said), and other various unnecessary doodamajigs will be scrutinized longer than regular shoes. I will not hurry up simply because you don't like being barefoot in public. By making a big stink over your feet, you are making yourself look more suspicious. Is that what you want? Stick your shoes in the machine so people behind you can get moving too.

Since 9-11-01, no knives of any size or type have been allowed to pass through the security checkpoint. That word up there was NO. I am not amused by the sheepish grin and the statement, "I thought i'd try." Oh. Did you now? So you deliberately tried to circumvent security, did you? You do realize that is a crime, don't you? Kevin Brown thought he'd try to circumvent security too on 4-1-08. He only wanted to smuggle pipes and endcaps, BBs, unknown liquids, batteries and bomb-making literature onto an Air Jamaica flight from Miami. If he had succeeded, where would those passengers be today? Did you want to trade your boarding pass for a set of pretty bracelets? I can arrange that. I'm not kidding. Oh. Not so funny anymore? Yeah. Thought that would wipe that stupid grin off your mug. I really don't want to hear about your very first Boy Scout knife's long and involved history; so long and involved you claimed to not own a knife just a minute ago. Are you checking it at your ticket counter, Fed-Exing it to yourself or can I toss it into a locked bin and move on? Make up your mind, other people behind you are bitching about the wait.

*sigh* I sound like a broken record. I sound like a broken record. I sound like a broken record. I sound like...