i already plan enough. i plan out the menu for two weeks, make the grocery list, read the circulars and shop the sales, buy, lug and put away $300+ worth of food twice a month. the least he can do is make some of it, especially on the days when i've been up since 2:30am and i'm still on my feet when it's dinner time.
2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.
he's already told me i could wear nothing but mud and fuzz and he wouldn't mind. why should i bother freshening up? and what is more work weary than four kids? please enlighten me.
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
that's what the laptop is for. just ask him. he'll tell you.
4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
i do nothing but clear away clutter all day. it's still there when i'm done. i've concluded that the clutter is actually breeding behind my back.
5. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
that's part of the clutter. i could stand at the front door and literally move my kids' arms and legs putting away their clutter and by the time he gets home, it's all on the floor again. and i don't have end tables either.
6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
he's already decided all he needs in life is a beer hat, the laptop and a colostomy bag. who am i to quibble over a fire? haven of rest and order? count those kids again. the only rest and order occurs when they are unconscious in their beds. and my immense personal satisfaction comes with a AA battery and is hidden in the back of one of my drawers.
7. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces(if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
we're lucky if we can wrangle the kids to run in a circle under the running water in the shower once a week. they are little treasures. that's why they are covered in dirt.
8. Be happy to see him.
i am happy to see him. except when he's late. then i'm furious for being put off again.
9. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
since he usually arrives mid-way through dinner, it's usually a smile around a mouthful of peas. or something.
10. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
his topics of conversation are generally classified. i've learned not to ask.
11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
if he's coming home late, or going out to dinner or other entertainment, he'd best just not come home at all. we don't have the money for him to do all that and if he comes home after spending ripping wads of cash, i'm cutting up his cards again.
12. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
again, that's what he has the laptop for. as long as he can get online, he's tranquil. comatose, for the most part.
13. Dont greet him with complaints and problems.
when he's home on time, yeah. once he's late (and made me late) that's all there is. complaints and problems.
14. Dont complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
what did i just say? excuse me. i have places to go. i have commitments. every time i'm late, i look bad. i realize he could care less, but i have a lot resting on my shoulders.
15. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
dinner's on the stove. i'm doing homework with the kids while washing dishes, getting my uniforms ready and packing my gear for work, opening bills and recycling junkmail....if he walks in on all that, guess where's he's headed? to a comfortable chair or the bedroom with......drumroll please......the laptop.
16. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
i don't touch his sweaty nasty lump of fabric he calls a pillow. i won't even touch it to wash its pillowcase. that's his thing. and shoes go into the closet when he walks in the door. what? now i'm supposed to drop everything and run to the front door too? puh-leeeez. i've got real things to do.
17. Dont ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfullness. You have no right to question him.
ha. double haha. if he's master of the house, i guess that makes me the supreme ruling goddess of the domicile. since i'm the one who knows all the passwords, account numbers, balances, where the food is, where dishes are kept, and how to clean the toilet and clothes. without me, he'd be penniless, naked, hungry and prolly have a wikkid CD collection and a staph infection.
18. A good wife always knows her place.
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