inquisition

1 - who vacuumed up the blue plastic clothespin?
i'll rule out the 5-yo, 6-yo, and possibly the 8-yo, since the vacuum is quite heavy, and the clothspin is not in a postition where it could have been "pushed in" and forgotten. it did done got sucked there. that leaves the 11-yo and the 35-yo.

2 - how long ago was it sucked in?
i'm gonna go with....saturday, because i remember emptying a full cup o'hair the week before when i vacuumed the upstairs. there was a goodly amount of hair puppies backed up in the tube and the motor was burning hot, so i imagine it was one of the first things sucked up on saturday. the 35-yo vacuumed the couch and the upstairs before bringing the vacuum down to the 11-yo's bedroom. i used it last.

3 - do ya know how much damage a clogged hose can do to a $500 vacuum?
i remember thinking that it was very kind of someone to empty the cup for me when i was finished on saturday. my allergies have been acting up and i was glad not to have to do it. i now know that no one did such a nice deed. if i hadn't noticed that the cup was suspiciously empty after vacuuming up where the dog sleeps, we could have gone another FULL house-vacuum session and completely burned out the motor.

4 - why in the name of all that's oscar meyer would you feel inclined to vacuum up a clothespin??
it never would have made it past the beater brush - it had to go in through the nozzle. which means someone had to deliberately unhook the nozzle and aim it at a certain angle to suck it up. your back busted? can't bend over? wanted to hear it go clickety-clackety-thunk? yeah. that was funny, wasn't it?

5 - you know what's even funnier?
watching mommy dig the thing out. busting a nail, dribbling dust and hair puppies all over the floor i thought i'd just vacuumed. a large hunk of debris raining onto my hands, yet creating a fine mist cloud for me to inhale. sneezing into that dust cloud, but unable to hold my face (because it's full of dust and hair, you see) and then peeing my pants while walking and sneezing into the bathroom. fun. ny.

6 - would you like a demonstration of things that are small enough to fit in the vacuum?
hold out your finger. any which one you want. stick it in your nose. anything bigger than that hole must be physically picked up off the floor.

bend over and pick it up, you bum!!!