pronouns and piggies

I took the kids to school today. I do it every day. I wasn't feeling particularly peppy, and I threw on some really old jeans with both knees blown out, a tank top and a black zipper hoodie, and flip-flops. I didn't even bother to run a brush through my hair, since I was planning on showering after I got home again. I walked a little way with the kids and there was a group of three dads talking and watching their kids go into the building. As I passed, one of them said, "Yeaaaaah. I could wake up next to that every day," to the delight of his pals, who were murmuring in agreement.

I smirked for a split second and then stopped, trying to determine if it was a compliment or a slam. I decided to take it as a compliment, but I was a little peeved that he referred to me as an inanimate object. I am anything but inanimate. The kids were well on their way to their classes and I had already said my goodbyes, so I turned back to confront the piggies.

"Hmmm. Part of the reason why you may not be able to wake up next to something akin to 'that' (gesturing to myself) might have something to do with your poor use of pronouns. I'm pretty sure 'that' is a gender-neutral demonstrative adjective. You were looking for the word 'her,' which is a feminine pronoun. Basic grammar, taught in elementary and middle school, can go a long way toward gettin' some."

And I walked away. His pals were dying with laughter. Whether at me or at their buddy who'd been 'told,' I don't care. I said my piece and I counted to three.