the disappointment fills in the cracks, pulls up my doubts, shakes the dust off and hangs them, blinking, in the bright light for everyone to see.
tired of playing the game when everyone knows the rules but me. i am the walking definition of "failure to thrive."
anybody want a worthless kate? i hear she's really good at stupid shit like laundry and dishes.
still shaking my head about this one.
she handed me a ticket. and as i'm skimming the ticket with my hand still outstretched, waiting for her ID, she said, "oh," and rummaged for her ID in her giant designer-ish looking trunk/purse. 21 march on the ticket... wait. 21st. i looked at my co-worker, totally confused.
"dude, today's the 22nd, right?"
he looked at the ticket in his hand, looked at the date on his watch, and nodded.
"ma'am," i read over the ticket again, and saw that it originated in salt lake city. "ma'am, i need your baltimore boarding pass. with today's date."
she rolled her eyes. "this is all they gave me in salt lake city. it says baltimore right here."
"it does say baltimore as the connection, but this is for a flight from yesterday. you have to have a ticket with today's date that originates in baltimore."
"well, i don't have one. this is all they gave me." *insert dramatic sigh*
sometimes, planes with connecting flights have mechanical trouble and the airline simply decides to re-book the flight for the following day. passengers are on their own to get a hotel or just spend the night in the terminal. i asked my co-worker to check with the supervisor to see if the airline had a delayed flight, continuing this morning. often times, the airline will provide us with a flight number and new departure time so we can validate the original ticket. the news came back that there were no delayed flights from the previous day. okay then. "ma'am, this ticket is not valid. you can go back to the ticket counter and have them re-print your boarding pass if you've lost it. even if i let you in with this, which i can't, it won't have the right flight information in the bar code. you can't board a plane with this ticket."
she almost stamped her feet at me. she stalked off to the ticket counter and i asked my co-worker about the person she arrived with... confirmed that his boarding pass was for today and from baltimore.
apparently i forgot to tell her not to wait in line. i usually say that, so they don't have to go all the way to the end and wait so long just to get a ticket re-printed. i guess i was just so surprised that she insisted on the invalid ticket that i just lost my mind and forgot. twenty minutes later....
"oh, my gosh, did you go to the end of the line??? i expected you to be back right away!"
"yes," with a haughty toss of her hair. "i went all the way through that line. and then she didn't want to print me a boarding pass because i like i already told you, it said baltimore on it. I'm going to need you to get some consistency, here."
i raised my eyebrows. "consistency?"
"yes. i assume this is some TSA rule or something, but if the airline thinks the ticket is fine, you should too."
with a snort, i replied, "for all i know, since i do not have the airline software or equipment to read your ticketing information, you are not currently booked on any flights, and are trying to get through security on yesterday's boarding pass for some unknown reason. regulations state that a passenger must have a valid boarding pass for the exact date of travel from the current airport along with valid photo ID in order to pass through the security checkpoint. if you do not have a valid boarding pass for the current date of travel from the airport in which you are standing, you are not boarding a plane. there is your consistency. you can't board a plane in atlanta with a boarding pass that says baltimore, either. i already explained to you that if you tried to board with this ticket, it would not read as a flight currently filed in today's flight plan. i will have my supervisor contact your airline representative and remind them of their obligations to provide their passengers with valid tickets for travel. have a nice day."
oh, and this took pace at 4:45am. yes. seriously. i would ask 'who tries to get on a plane with yesterday's boarding pass, insisting that it's the right one?' but i've seen people drive to baltimore with tickets that fly out of DC. yeah. that doesn't work either.
Today's rant is brought to you by All State Plumbing, Heating and Cooling. Please do not take this rant as endorsement of their products and services.
In December 2010, you will recall that our hot water heater suffered a breakdown of sorts. You will recall this, thanks to the wonders of modern social networking, because I so cleverly decided to post a blog about it, entitled 'shitty monday'. Plumber guy spent nearly 3 hours in our house, between 8:30-11:30 that day, changing out 2 elements and a thermostat. I learned that our water is very minerally. If that is a word. The elements that Mr. Plumb pulled out of the water heater were covered in thick coatings of scale. That is ordinary wear and tear. There is nothing I can do about the water coming into the tank from the county to prevent this scaly build-up. According to my report long ago in December, we got exactly one shower and one load of dishes washed before the water heater tanked again. I placed a call to All State at 2am, knowing full well that no one would answer. I was unable to leave a voicemail; that stumped me. I placed another call through the warranty company upon my return from work. Big mistake. Because we "opened another ticket," All State deemed us 'Non-Urgent' even though the request was on the same order from less than 24 hours previous. The earliest we could be seen was Tuesday.
Tuesday's adventure: I was called at work at 11:30 and told to be ready for my 1:30 appointment in about 15 minutes. Since I was at least 40 minutes away (at 2am no-traffic-speed) and I specifically requested a time for AFTER my arrival at home, I actually had to say the words, "he can show up in 15 minutes, ma'am, but I am south of Baltimore right now and I will be home for my appointment at 1:30." He was blocking the driveway when I arrived home at 1:06. He opened a panel, hit a "reset" button and said, "My colleague will be back in an hour to check the heat." My jaw hit the floor.
Mr. Plumb #2 arrived spot-on one hour later, clanked around a bit, made generally un-encouraging noises like, "I don't understand this..." "How...??" and "Now I'm really confused." He clanked some more and in another hour advised me that "the wiring schematic for this water heater is printed backwards, so when it was hooked up on Friday, he followed the schematic, but it was actually backwards. The thermostat from the bottom was reading the top temperature and kicking on the top element and vice versa." My brain fogged over for a minute and I thanked him, dreaming of a nice toasty warm shower... and he left. We went without hot water in our home for a grand total of 8 days, with over five billable hours spent servicing the water heater, at an expense of over $200 including the service fees and hotel bills.
That was fun. So fun, we wanted a repeat.
Saturday morning (another weekend??!) the hot water ran out like a tall man in a short robe fetching the morning paper. Again, our turnaround was Tuesday because hot water is not an emergency. Seven assholes in this house... you want me to let them all ripen from already-dirty-on-Friday through Tuesday? Take a sniff dahlin'. That is the smell of an emergency. A different company was assigned this service request, with the note that it is a possible 90-day part warranty. I don't have to pay for this service call. w00t! I spent that money on a hotel room for showers for six on Sunday night.
Tuesday, our new plumber arrives. He said that because it was a possible warranty, he was going to replace all three parts again, both elements and the thermostat, and submit them to the warranty company. He was very weirded out by a couple of glaring details, though. First, the elements were not the same age. Both parts were replaced on the same date in December. New Mr. Plumb showed me the buildup of scale: One was clearly a year old, the other was newer, but had more buildup than should warrant for 3 months. Secondly, the "younger" element had a scorch mark. That could have been pre-existing; it could have been the cause of the failure of the water heater this time. New Mr. Plumb showed me that our parts came out of the package at this installation. He advised me to call them directly if something happened in the next week or so. Yup, learned that one last time. Oh and his arrival-work-departure time? In at 3:19, out at 3:55. That's 35 minutes, jack.
The Kate is NOT amused with the shenanigans of All State Plumbing, Heating and Cooling. I called my home warranty company and told them exactly what had happened, exactly what New Mr. Plumb had showed me with the elements. She took my call very seriously, noted that parts were re-used, and placed them on a "Do Not Use" list for my future repairs. Based on my service history and complaint and what the new plumber submits to the home warranty company in their report (so they get paid for this call), All State may be removed from the list of providers altogether.
Bottom line: don't muck with those of us who know how to use the channels. And blog. *evil grin*
note: Should everything go well, I will probably add the name of the New Mr. Plumb's company in the future.
it's about damn time for one of these.
our post office, located at 8201 harford road, is only open from 9am to 5pm. so explain to me, a federal government employee, why they work seven hours and get a full hour for lunch. paid. i work eight hours and get 30 minutes unpaid, including travel time, for my lunch.
during that full hour for lunch, the entire building is closed to customers. you can open your own mailbox to retrieve mail and drop off mail into a little slot. that's it. the door is locked to the part of the building where you get forms. there used to be 3 machines where you could buy stamps and a scale where you could weigh your packages and enter the zip code to estimate your postage. that is all gone. now there are three trash cans and an empty counter. not even a pen. so we could take our trash to the post office between 1-2pm. that is about all you can do there.
on my lunch break (note, it is not a lunch HOUR), we have to take turns, leaving the checkpoint running, and sometimes we even have to take that break late, long after everyone is tired and starving, to make sure that passenger flow is not interrupted. we don't get to schedule a specific time and lock down the checkpoint. why can't the post office take turns? did they skip that part in kindergarten? what could possibly take an hour? they can't stop at the post office during their lunch hour. it's closed.
i needed two lousy stamps. now i have to wait until monday, after i get home, sit long enough to be exhausted and have to leave the house again, pollute the planet with emissions from my SUV to make a special trip because they are closed for their lunch HOUR when i get home from work. because i sure as shit am not going to fight rush hour traffic today (which begins at 3pm in my tiny corner of the planet) to park in one of their 9 parking spaces to buy 2 friggin stamps because if i buy more than 2 effing stamps, they will raise the postage before i can finish the whole book of 20 and then i will have to make another trip to the post office to get the 2- or 3-cent stamps to make up the difference in the postage....
this is seriously off-pissing. and they thought THEY had anger management problems. try being a federal employee who DOESN'T get paid to eat lunch and only work seven hours a day. and needs two melon-farming stamps.
I made a donation to your charity last winter or early spring 2010. I choose to whom I donate my money.
However, since that initial donation, your charity, XXXXXX, has hounded me by phone and mail multiple times monthly for more money to the point that I no longer want to answer my own home phone. This morning, after being pressured to accept yet another envelope (with a "free gift," I'm sure) I had to hang up on your operator because I told him numerous times that I was walking out the door to take my children to school and could not talk. I do not like being rude, but he left me no choice.
Save the money you are spending on the free gifts and postage. Use that money for your actual recipients instead of wasting it on me for "thank you gifts." I do not need your gifts. What I do need, is my own money. I am raising four children. I am spending my money on them currently, thank you very much. You will not be receiving money from me again.
This statement is a cease and desist order. Remove my name from your mailing and phone list. Contact from your organization after your acceptance of this order via electronic means, United Stated Postal Service or telephone, cellular or land line, will be considered harassment and will be treated as such under Maryland law.
Good luck to your charity in the future and take this as a warning that people who are able to be generous every once in a while do NOT like to be harassed for more donations every month, especially when times are tight.
and yes, i did post my contact information, i'm just not including it in this note.
this is definitely not a "quick-throw-something-in" dish. but it would make a great snow-day or holiday breakfast because you can make it the night before and bake it first thing in the morning.
modified from a recipe from martha stewart living, november 2010
martha's recipe called for "thick slices of brioche" for the french toast. after haunting the bakery departments of three stores, i could not find such a beast, and the only recipe i could find (in my house - i did not travel the interwebs) showed me that brioche is made like dinner rolls, not a loaf. so i used my favorite bread machine recipe instead... and i added 1 diced roma apple at the end. due to my dietary restrictions, i used milk alternatives: powdered non-dairy creamer for dry milk, 1/3 C coconut cream for heavy cream, 2 C almond milk for regular milk.
add to bread machine bucket in the order listed by your manufacturer, or in the order listed here. set bread machine to the whole wheat cycle with a light crust. cool completely, slice ~10-12 and let air for a day or so. you want it to be firm.
baked french toast
(yields ~8-10)
1. beat the eggs and whisk in the next 6 ingredients until the batter is smooth.
2. dip thick slices of bread into the batter and over lap them in a greased 9x13 non-metallic baking dish. pour remaining batter over the top. cover & refrigerate 2 hours or overnight.
3. preheat oven to 375. top the french toast with chopped apples and nuts. sprinkle 2-3 T cinna-sugar over the top. cover with parchment and foil and bake x 25 minutes. remove foil and continue baking x 20 minutes more or until golden brown.
serve with warm syrup.
so i drive to work every day at about the same time; who doesn't? imagine my astonishment this workweek that EVERY DAY i have been trapped in the tunnel behind Zippy the Wonder Slug, chugging away at under 50 mph in a 55 zone. and every day, Zippy is driving a different car. he was even heading northbound yesterday after work. what privilege, to crawl through the tunnel for no other reason than someone lost their cahones! this morning, we were flying at a spectacular 35. so i broke the law. i crossed the double solid line in the tunnel and passed that bastidge like a pork barrel extension on capitol hill.
once upon a time, there was a mommy and a daddy and a baby. mommy and daddy loaded up a stroller and several bags with everything they would need on a five-day wilderness hike and headed to the airport. at least that is what it looked like. mommy pushed the baby in the stroller through the metal detector. kate watched while the metal detector screeched. "um, ma'am? you'll need to take the baby out of the carseat and put the carseat face down on the x-ray belt, fold the stroller and send it through as well, and carry the baby through the metal detector."
'you're kidding.' mommy turned to daddy. 'well. i don't know how they expect us to do all that.'
kate thought to herself: did you not take all of that out of your car this morning? hm. there's two of you. i'm sure you can figure it out. you're not the first mommy to come through. you're not the first mommy of a newborn to come through. you're not the first mommy of a newborn with someone along to help out. you're not the first mommy of newborn twins to come through by herself; you whine far more than she. grow the eff up. pack less. enable yourself.
a man emptied his pockets into a bin, tossed his laptop into another. next he threw his coat and belt into a third. he appeared to be in a tearing hurry. i looked him over and asked the x-ray operator to take a good look at all the shoes coming through. and to test them. the man kicked his shoes off and bent to pick them up... paused... smacked his own forehead and looked at me. "i did not do that," i giggled.
he was wearing one red and grey tennis shoe and a brown business shoe.
looks like someone will be making a stop when they land.
people who travel often want a 'checkpoint-friendly' laptop bag. these bags are ones which have a SPECIAL separate laptop compartment. SPECIAL means that in that part of the bag, ONLY the laptop goes there. you may be able to put cords and files and magazines and your ipad there also, but then, you have defeated the friendliness. this SPECIAL compartment can be laid flat on the x-ray machine, usually via a pair of zippers that enables the bag to butterfly open. imagine a butterfly with a laptop sitting on one wing and the rest of the bag sitting on the other and the body of the butterfly is the only part of the bag that connects the two together. you have imagined a checkpoint-friendly bag.
there are pictures out front in the queue area. pictures of bags that ARE checkpoint friendly are drawn in green. pictures of bags that are NOT checkpoint friendly are drawn in red. (association of red = bad and green = good have been instilled in us through our public schools since the beginning of time. or, at least since the beginning of public schools.) regular backpacks, briefcases, satchels, purses, grocery sacks, diaper bags, and MANY office-in-a-bag bags are not checkpoint friendly. let's put it bluntly: if you open the zipper all the way and can't see the entire laptop lid..... you are not in possession of a checkpoint friendly bag. with my flagging language skills, i was simply unable to communicate this today. at. all. especially to the guy who insisted that his briefcase was checkpoint friendly because "the laptop IS in it's own compartment. look for yourself." i just might. and indeed, there was nothing in between the pieces of cloth but the laptop. but.... on the other side of the little cloth divider.... was the rest of the office. thank you. have a seat.
