sink searching

 

welcome to the dishwasher for dummies class.  no, no, don't get comfortable; we are moving right into the lab portion of the class.  no need for silly books, when this whole thing is literally hands-on. i want you to get the most out of your class this evening.

 

gather 'round.  this rectangle here, this is the sink.  i know most of you have never seen one before because it is usually stacked up with smelly things called "dishes."  the dishes are smelly because they have old food on them.  when you eat food on dishes and plates, but you don't eat all of it, and there are pieces of food and sauces left behind, they rot.  the icky smell is what happens when food rots.  you really want to wash the dishes off before the food rots.  it is healthier for you in the long run and your house will smell nicer.  yes, i promise that will help.

 

now, i have some examples of dirty dishes here, and we are each going to practice different techniques of not only rinsing the food off the dishes, but actually putting the dishes in this magic little box called a dishwasher.  a dishwasher is a machine with special racks to hold dishes that mixes soap and hot water together and throws that soapy water all over the dirty dishes to make them clean and fresh.  no, dear, you can't put the paper ones inside - the dishwasher is for dishes that you *don't* throw away.

 

this is a glass of milk from an hour ago.  this is a glass of milk from three days ago.  see the difference?  let's try to just rinse the glass out.... this one from an hour ago is all rinsed.  now we put it into the dishwasher upside down - i know!  funny, right?  tsk, tsk.  look at this glass of milk from three days ago... ew. nasty smell, and oh, no.  we can't get all the milk out, and oooh, nasty little chunkies are sitting in the sink now.  how did that happen?  the answer is science.  because we let the milk "age," it wanted to become cheese.  we don't want it to become cheese, because none of us are trained cheesemakers and we would make ourselves sick on rotten cheese.  anyway, so this icky milk stuff won't come out.  here we have a special tool.   i want you to think of this tool as your friend.  it is a scrub brush.  these long pointy things will lean on the glass and the milk chunks and when you add some warm water (oooh, more stinky, yes!!)  and a dab of soap, that glass is rinsed out.  now, just because you rubbed some soap and warm water on it, doesn't make it clean yet.  this water isn't nearly hot enough to kill the germs that grew in the milk to make it chunky, so it still has to go in the dishwasher - yay!  upside down! - just like the other one.

 

next we have a bowl of cereal.  or what's left of a bowl of cereal.  we can pour out that milk and oops, a few pieces of cereal are stuck to the side.  here.  you try.  sure, you can use your fingernails.  what else...?  yes!  the scrub brush!  here's an easy one, a plate with sandwich crumbs, just whoosh under the water and it's done.  fabulous.  lastly, i would like to try out this lasagne pan; it doesn't look very nice, does it?  hm.  how exactly do we get this rinsed?  you - the scrub brush!  give it a try.  oh.  hm.  what's that?  it isn't getting clean?  this is baked-on grime and this calls for a little bit of effort.  now we break out the scouring pads or steel wool.  this bad boy will shave the skin from your bones if you aren't careful, so use this sparingly.  see how it takes off the blackened sauce?  well, yes, your fingers are bleeding, but man up please.  if you had washed the dish right away, it wouldn't be this difficult.

 

now, i would like you to take note that we are putting the dishes right into the dishwasher and not stacking them on the counter or leaving them in the sink.  everyone see that?  should your dishwasher fill up, THEN you can temporarily stack some dishes up on the counter, but it should only be until the clean dishes are put away.  they should not linger for days. 

 

now, here is a very important point: once the dishwasher is full, put some special soap - Dishwasher detergent, NOT dish soap!! - in this little cup in the door.  when you put the soap in here and close the lid, it will pop open in the middle of the cycle just exactly at the right time.  so, we have dishes loaded, we have dishwasher detergent, now we have to close the door and... don't forget to TURN ON the dishwasher.  it will make funny slosh sounds while it cleans the dishes.  that is okay.  noise is a good thing.  no noise means you didn't turn it on.

 

it will take about an hour, sometimes more, to wash and steam the dishes.  then you have to take those clean dishes out of the magic dishwasher box and put them away.  not on the counter!!  they go in the cupboards.  it's like a matching game.  find other dishes that look similar and put them on the same shelf.  yay!!  then if you still had dishes stacked on the counter - you betcha! - put them right into the dishwasher when it is empty. 

 

our test will be a practical exam, so come right into the kitchen please...

road trippin

princess had a story problem on her math paper the other day...

 "the chan family took a trip to visit cousins over the summer.  they set the trip meter to 0 before they left.  they traveled 42 miles before they stopped at a rest stop.  when they stopped for lunch, they had traveled 100 miles.  by the time they reached their cousins' house, they had traveled 138 miles.  how far did the chan family travel between the rest stop and where they ate lunch?  how far was the rest stop from their cousins' house?"

 

 my answers:  if the chan family had to stop twice only traveling 138 miles, they planned poorly.  if mr. chan had his wits about him, he would have packed the car the night before, served up breakfast at 7 am and been at the cousins' house long before lunch time.  seriously.  who has to stop twice in 2-1/2 hours?  better learn to hold it or get some depends, that's for sure.  and now you're hungry?  see, that's what breakfast was for.  you can have a nice warm glass of shut the hell up.  you live close enough that i can cancel this little trip right now, so don't make me turn this car around.  138 miles and you need a rest stop and lunch.  please.

driving home

there was an accident tonight involving a HUGE truck and a kitty.  i stopped my car, jumped out (my daughter put the flashers on), and put a warning triangle in the road to keep another car from mashing the kitty into pudding.  aside from that, there was nothing i could do but call 911 and ask for animal control.  i could tell from the injuries that a cleanup was going to be needed, nothing more.  no one would need to be notified, since no one bothered to collar her.

 the kitty let out her final meow to the world and i glanced up, away from her still form in the bright lights of oncoming traffic.  a shooting star glittered but a moment.  i mentioned the star to my eldest child, who was fighting back tears. 

 "maybe she was a good kitty," she said.  "make a wish."

my new game

 it's getting crowded in here.

for every yard sale i have intended to have, but don't have time to run....

for everything that is not broken, but we don't actually need anymore...

for everything that i have saved because "so-and-so could use it," but they never received it...

for all the things that i'm certain can't be just thrown in the trash and must be disposed of properly, somehow...

for that effing dump run i have meant to make since i fell down the steps in march...

my house is a mess.  it's time for a lively game of Throw That Shit Out.  quick.  before someone sees this mountain of mayhem and puts my name on the list for that hoarders show.  because it's not like i want to save this stuff forever.  it's just a waste to throw it in the garbage.  a while back it was a money thing; we were gonna have a yard sale to make up some cash we spend on back-to-school.  eh.  over-rated.  that was a lot of effort for very little cash.  not interested anymore.  i have several bags heading to the goodwill...around here somewhere.  i get them all packed up and then run out of time to deliver.  so they sit.  and then they get moved when i "clean."  which means moving the piles around to somewhere i, nor any of my houseguests can see.  which means my bedroom. 

i am currently awaiting a quote from a mini storage place, hoping that if i sign a contract and pay up front for a year, i can get a really good deal.  if they don't go for it, i'll take another place that is cheaper, but more difficult to get into due to the traffic on that road. i want to send away all the camping gear, christmas decor, spare room linens (since we don't have a spare room), old uniforms that i'm required to keep, awesome home-made halloween costumes, fancy cake pans and party decor.... stuff that i DO use, but not often enough to justify moving it around to get the stuff i use weekly.  then i can put the regular stuff on shelves instead of on the floor or in piles.  what a concept!!

meanwhile, on the computer, i've learned that you can mix kitty litter with latex paint and leave the can unlidded in your regular trash.  i didn't know that.  i also learned that you can recycle those green camping propane bottles... just not in maryland.  so they have to be purged and trashed.  such a shame.  i will rid our home of all these useless broken electronics (that someone insists we will get fixed, for whatever reason) on october 2.  the boy scouts are hosting an electronics recycling event from 8-12 at the harford senior center.  they keep the money for the metals taken from inside and i get the crap out of my way.  double w00t.

THEN, when i have found my floors, my shelves, and my walkways (especially the walkway in the storage room and the stairway into the attic), i can bring in contractors to get quotes to get the damn attic done.  i put it off all summer because i could not stand the thought of re-fitting insulation in the broiling attic under the beauty of the mid-atlantic sunshine.  and when the attic is finally turned into bedrooms and storage....

we can demolish the moldy basement.

anybody available on thursdays and/or fridays (depending on my volunteer scehdules, unfortunately) is welcome to show up at the door in grubby clothes at 9am and help me.  -->this is a plea for help. checking email one last time for an update from the mini storage and signing off to hunt down the already packed goodwill bags and load them up.  and then stuff some more.

cheese it, man

so, lately, i have been stepping outside the boundaries of normal (you don't say!) in order to try to resume eating food that i love... from the realm of dairy.  let me just say, it has been an unforgettable journey.  unfortunately.  you see, we don't know why i can't eat foods made from cow milk.  i cannot drink lactaid milk.  taking little pills before eating and drinking does little to nothing to help.  and i break out in hives down my throat (i can feel them swell!!) if i drink straight soy products.  which brings me to the desperate and experimental stage.

let's go vegan.

 i already discovered the Rice Dream (Hain Celestial Group) family of products.  rice milk is thinner than skim milk, and i have to buy vanilla flavor to choke it down at all, but it works when i want a glass of milk with dinner or dessert and it pours over breakfast cereal.  they improved their rice milk by adding the calcium and vitamin D found in the same sized serving of a glass of milk, so i no longer feel like i'm missing out on that important piece of my nutrition.  i went in search of their ice cream products and have not been disappointed.  again, they are thinner than regular ice cream, but when i'm watching four kids nosh on baskin robbins sundaes and i only get a nice glass of water, i'll take the rice dream any day.

 behold, next to the rice dream, there was Purely Decadent (Turtle Mountain, LLC).  made from either soy or coconut milk, i get to choose!  sweet, creamy flavors of ice cream like coffee, cookie dough, caramel, snickerdoodle... even the plain vanilla is good enough to eat without adding toppings.  on my first trip to Whole Foods market, i found out that they make a line of cultured coconut milk that tastes and acts like probiotic yogurt smoothies.  i am in love.

 so i boldly stepped into the land of cheese.  Rice Vegan (Galaxy Foods) had packages of cheddar flavored american cheese slices right there next to the Kraft Singles.  on a sandwich with meat, lettuce and dijon mustard, it does, indeed taste like a processed cheese food.  it will do for now.  i won't wander into the kitchen and grab a slice of cheese as a snack like i did in the past.   however, tearing it into chunks and throwing it atop hot macaroni noodles in a mad desperation for mac -n- cheese: FAIL.  a hot mess of shiny yellow glue formed inside my bowl and i scraped that gunk out with my fingernails for a good 10 minutes after the first bite.  next trip, i found smallish bricks of cheddar that proclaimed melty satisfaction was guaranteed.  it's a little grainy just sliced and eaten raw; again, it will do for now.  we made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and Rice Vegan stood up to its claim.  did you hear??  i ate a grilled cheese sandwich for the first time in two years.  two.  years. 

 more more more!!!!  as recommended, i tried Wegman's and found their vegan selection lacking.  i picked up two different brands of cheese, Vegan Gourmet (Follow Your Heart Foods) monterey jack and Daiya mozzerella shreds.  Vegan Gourmet proudly touts, "IT MELTS!" on the package.  when i sliced the monterey jack, it was slimy; the consistency was more like a quiche.  it was grainier, like it had powder not quite all the way mixed in.  it doesn't melt so much as it lays down flatter and soaks into bread.  the flavor left much to be desired (i liken it to a hot salted wet noodle on bread), and i am considering just tossing it. 

 the Daiya (Daiya Foods, Inc) mozzerella shreds had me a little concerned.  "it melts!  it stretches!"  it looks like sawdust in color and texture through the little plastic window.  it feels like playdough crumbs as i sprinkle it onto my half of a large pizza, ready to go into the oven.  when i pull the pan out, the regular mozzerella looks creamy white next to the yellowish urine color oozing across my half.  so desperate for pizza am i that i didn't even wait for the pizza to cool enough and burnt the roof of my mouth on the first bite.  well, it feels like cheese so far.  it has a creamy texture like that of cream cheese and it tastes sharp, like a bit of goat cheese is in there somewhere.  but it was good enough for me to want to eat it again. 

 i haven't yet found a suitable sub for sour cream.  plain coconut yogurt is too sweet to eat on tacos and baked potatoes.  but i did find  Chavrie spreadable goat cheese, in which i dip my crackers.  it can replace cream cheese when i want a savory taste, and i suspect it might be good on a baked tate.  but i have found that i can't eat a whole serving of it without developing the same (much milder) symptoms of eating dairy foods.

ink

the ink, it boils black inside my heart.
bubbles rising from the deep.
turn my face and thoughts to no avail;
steady burns the hole you've placed.

the slow and creeping tendrils
press my screams into my lungs,
slice my tears into my skin,
draw the dark across my eyes,
numb the sound of my own sobs.

so twist my heart and bury deeper,
deeper still than words can pierce.
let the ink dissolve your face, your voice
and your every poisoned lie.

peach frozen yogurt. oh. em. gee.

 5 large, ripe peaches, peeled and cut into chunks

1/2 - 3/4 cup sugar (to taste - i found 3/4 cup too sweet)
juice of 1 lemon
2 cups plain whole milk yogurt

"ripe" means when you pick it up, you have no choice but to try to eat it on the spot, it is that much of an instinct.

1. peel and thinly slice peaches.
2. place onto baking sheet on wax paper and freeze solid, about 3 hours.
3. combine sugar (to taste) lemon and a splash of vodka in a blender. (the vodka is to keep the mix from getting icy.) add a few peaches and blend.
4. add frozen peaches to blender 1-2 at a time, blending fully before adding more.
(if you are kate, stop here, scoop out a scant 3/4 cup and set aside.)
5. pour yogurt into the blender and blend until creamy. the whole blending process might take 20 minutes.
6. spoon evenly into serving dishes and refreeze for 45-60 minutes. makes 6-8 approx 2/3 c serving.

~D~I~V~I~N~E~
our peaches rested in a paper bag and went from hard to perfect in 24 hours. because i can't have dairy, i scooped mine out before i added the yogurt, and let me tell you, it is heaven on a spoon at that step as well. it is glorified frozen babyfood, yes, but.... just go make some. the kids want me to add strawberries next time. yums.