shitty 'monday'

 

my alarm goes off at 01:45 in the winter.  i snugged back into my bed and waited for alarm #2.  my phone alarm went off at 02:00 and the first thing i saw was the text message.  "buzzkill: some bastard busted our window.  at least we had our valuables with us (like bria)." 

which meant that while my husband and daughter were taking in a concert in philadelphia, someone broke into our car. 

not a happy kate.

meanwhile, said family is just arriving home from said concert.  i encouraged the use of a trash bag to cover the window.  yes, i meant now.

i warmed up the shower and waited a minute... and then another... and then another... and then i realized, in my sleepy state that the shower was not warming up.  at all.  it was getting colder. 

back up:  the water heater ducked out on us on wednesday.  i hand washed several sinkloads of dishes.  the kids were nice and ripe when i broke down and rented a hotel room thursday night and played 'kid wash' early friday morning before school, in fear that the plumbing company would not have time to 'squeeze us in' on friday before 2pm.  on the way back from the hotel, i got a call that they were in the driveway. 

plumb-dude pulled out two snarkified elements (normal wear and tear), and replaced the thermostats as well.  at 11:30, he told me that within the hour, i should have a full tank of hot water.  at 4pm, someone took a shower.  at 6:30 i ran a full load of dishes in the dishwasher.  that's it.  that's all i got.

*not* a happy kate.

so the warranty people called the plumbing people again today.  plumbers can't be out until monday sometime between 10-5.  even though this is technically an existing ticket, because it still isn't fixed from yesterday.  the kate is getting quite angry.  warranty people are currently contacting various supervisors to submit a request for hotel room reimbursement so we can TAKE A FRIGGIN SHOWER.

glass people are not available until monday, and then they will order the part and maybe install it tuesday. 

OMFG being a trend-setter is cool and all, but seriously?  so everyone in the county has busted pipes AND windows all at the same time?  seriously??  there are SOOOOOO many that there is a waiting list for both of them? 

needless to say, i have a full week ahead of me - oh, and i'm running out of sick time, so how am i supposed to stay home from work to wait for plumb-dude to 'do another trial and error'? 

oh yes i did

 

Kate & Tad Callin

 

8 December 2010

 

Xxxxxxx  School,

 

On Friday last, our home was besieged by a filthy unknown virus, wreaking havoc amongst all of our kind citizens, the likes of which we have never before seen.  In an earnest attempt to thwart this vile fiend, we fought, valiantly, and vanquished the beast which threatened our very livelyhoods!!

 

Please, then, I implore you to excuse the absence of ___________ from his/her schooling on Monday, 6 and Tuesday, 7 December, whilst we returned our health and humanity to regularity.  Hesitate not to place an inquiry with me, should you need further details of our victorious battle.

 

 

 

Kate Callin

got smrt?

what time is it? that's right...

some airports are like luxury hotels.  some provide you with little paper slippers so you don't have to mix your feet with other feet on that horrid floor-thing.  others provide quart-sized ziplock bags for all of your liquids.  some even go so far as to have them specially made, with the 3-1-1 guidelines printed right on the baggie for your convenience.  still others have the massive resources to pay someone 8 hours a day to do nothing more than stand there and push your stuff into the x-ray machine for you.  wow.  it must be rough to live in those states.  here in a place i like to call "reality," otherwise known as "charm city," our budget is far more constrained.  FAR far more.

 

we do not have the money to provide all of our passengers with plastic ziplock baggies.  if you don't have the wherewithal to own a box of baggies (which cost as little as $1 at the dollar tree store), you either leave your liquids in the suitcase and risk a bag check, or you can dump them all into a bowl.  either way, your failure to properly pack is no reason to abuse my state's budget.  your luggage = your baggie.  the end.

 

i live pretty green.  you wouldn't expect your local public swimming pool to provide you with throw-away flip flops, would you?  no.  you bring your own.  save a tree.  pack your own socks.  i know *i* wouldn't walk on those nasty floors in my bare feet.

 

we are constantly called mouth-breathing simian thugs, incapable of reasoning and original thought.  so you think i'm going to steal your laptop (and hide it.... where?  in my pants?) and shoes (yup, been accused of that, too)... why on earth would you turn your back on your belongings in an international airport and expect me, or better yet a complete stranger in line behind you, to move your shit for you?  you can hire someone at the airport to play porter for you, if you are simply too good to move your own goods.  just ask at the ticket counter.  oh, and, i hate to be the one to point this out, but, if your bag is so heavy that you can't lift it onto a table, you won't be able to get it into the overhead bin, either.

 

what, you ask, brought on this rant?

 

a woman had a handbag with a pre-printed 3-1-1 baggie inside (which i had not seen before) containing a 16 ounce bottle of lotion.  right on the bag it says "if it is too big for this baggie, it is too big for your carryon."  there were three inches of bottle sticking out of the top of the zipper.  and i'm stupid?

 

someone left a laptop bag out on the table.  i sighed, walked up to the front of the x-ray then pushed the bag inside the machine.  joy of joys.  it had an electronic device inside - quite of few of them, actually.  they were all stacked on one side.  i asked several passengers if this particular bag belonged to them.  a man tried to yank it out of my hand.  he failed.  i asked him if it was his.  he snarled at me that he wouldn't know if it was his if he wasn't allowed to look inside.  he told me that yes, he owned a laptop bag and yes, it did very strongly resemble the one in my hot mitts, and demanded to know why it took so long to get through the machine.  um, because YOU abandoned it, asshat.

 

a woman traveling with her son refused to remove their shoes.  she plopped into the chair in the screening room and demanded additional screening.  she took off her shoes (sockless) and held her feet suspended in the air while i had them x-rayed.  i had to pat her down and everything.  and then her son had to go through the additional screening as well.  the same way.  then she wanted to speak to my supervisor because i was "taking too long."  she claimed to be a supervisor from puerto rico but never once showed ID to back up that claim.  my supervisor informed her that, instead of discipline, he would put my name in for a time-off award for doing my job exceptionally well.  that pissed her off greatly.  i never did get the award (and did not expect it), but it's good to know that he backed me up 100%.

 

meh.  it is my friday, and this is the end of my rant.

undairied goodness

 beef stroganoff

 

3T olive oil
1/2 pound mushrooms
onion & red pepper, sliced
3 sprigs thyme
~2 pounds sliced beef fillet
salt, pepper & nutmeg - to taste
1/4 C white wine
2 beef bullion cubes
1-1/2 to 2 cups almond milk
3 T cornstarch
~ 1/2 pound egg noodles

 

1.  cook noodles according to package directions.

2.  saute mushrooms in olive oil, then remove.  add onion, peppers, thyme and beef.  return mushrooms to pan and add spices.  cook beef through.

3.  add wine, simmer.  add bullion cubes and stir.

4.  combine cornstarch and almond milk.  scoop beef to one side of pan, stirring almond milk into hot liquid.  continue stirring sauce into beef and veggies as it thickens.  serve over hot noodles.

 

*** this is bland, compared to regular stroganoff, but the kids said it was good enough to ask for seconds!!  they said that it tasted better with some grated parmesan stirred in.***

 

 

punkin pie!!!

from alisacooks.com

 

1/2 C brown sugar
1/4 C white sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
15 oz can of pumpkin
1 tsp vanilla
1 C coconut milk (NOT coconut water - there is a difference)
prepared unbaked pie shell

 

1.  shake and/or stir coconut milk before starting.

2.  combine sugars and spices.

3.  beat eggs.  add pumpkin, vanilla and spices.  fold in coconut milk.

4.  pour into pie crust and bake in preheated 425* oven x 15 minutes.  cover edge of pie crust with foil to keep from burning.  reduce heat to 350* and continue baking 50-60 minutes or until a knife inserted in center of pie comes out clean.  cool a minimum of 2 hours.

chicken & wild rice soup and cherry almond bread

 

chicken & wild rice soup

 

1 (10-oz.) can condensed golden mushroom soup
3 cups chopped cooked chicken
1/2 container(??) mushrooms, sliced
1-1/2 C sliced baby carrots
1 chopped onion
1 clove minced garlic
bay leaf
1-2 small thin-sliced potatoes
1 (6-oz.) pkg. long grain and wild rice mix
3 cans condensed chicken broth or stock
3 cups water

 

i dislike mushrooms, so they are not in my soup - i added potatoes instead.  sometimes i substitute evaporated milk for half the water, for a thicker soup.

 

1.  combine water, broth & soup in crockpot.  add veggies, cooked chicken, and uncooked ice mix.  stir. 

2.  cook on low x 6 hours, high x 3 hours.

 

 

dried cherry-almond bread

from cdkitchen website

 

3/4 cup milk
1 tablespoon melted butter or margarine
1 large egg
1 tablespoon sugar
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups bread flour
1/3 cup dried tart red cherries or dried cranberries
1/4 cup slivered almonds, toasted
1 1/2 teaspoon bread machine yeast

 

add in order listed or by bread machine instructions.  bake on white cycle, makes 1 lb loaf.  i double the recipe, and serve with a sweet-spiced butter... like adding 2 tablespoons honey and a dash of pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon-nutmeg to 1/2 cup butter and beat with a hand mixer til combined.

my homework

mother since 1995

air force veteran since 1996

national PTA member since 2001

girl scout leader, registered first aider since 2003

election judge since 2004

elementary school parent volunteer since 2004

cub scout committee member since 2007

transportation security officer since 2007

 

i have strived to maintain strong ties to the families and the community in which i live and serve.  i have integrity and i instill that in the lives of my own children and those children with whom in interact through scouting and school.  i am proud of my job, proud that i stood and took the oath to defend my country as a civil servant, proud of my co-workers when they catch the smallest of things and cannot broadcast to the world why we are here and necessary.  everyone gets the negative reports about TSA, yet our daily accomplishments go unnoticed and unrecognized by a public who needs concrete and tactile evidence that we are actually doing something important.  the stories i wish i could tell...

 so, yesterday i was called a child molester and sexual predator.  by someone who knows me well enough to know that is a false statement.  all because of my job. 

 being associated with that filth, that breed of foulness has absolutely shattered me.  it stung me, burning in my head all afternoon.  for someone to think that i could be capable of such monstrosity.... they did not specifically call me out by name, however, the blanket statement made was quite clear.  it is one thing for a faceless public to cry out that "all TSAs are getting their jollies groping the public and looking at nudie pictures."  it is quite something else for someone in my circle of friends to state that everyone in my workforce, which incidentally includes me, is guilty of these crimes and should be punished individually to the full extent of the law.

 the radical mouth-foaming media continues to incite anger and fear in the american public in several ways.  first and loudest is conjecture.  someone famous  decided that they are better than the public and does not want to have their 'rights' trampled upon.  last time i checked, air travel was not listed anywhere in the bill of rights.  they heard about new travel procedures and decided they didn't like them.  so they talked loudly about how bad the procedures are, using phrases that bring dark images to mind, preying on the fear of molestation and the perverse.  in fact, the new patdown is very similar to the ONLY patdown used straight after the terrorist attacks on our soil.  that information comes straight from officers who have been with TSA since its infancy.  has the media announced that? 

 the second way is distortion.  anything not fully understood is subject to the interpretation of the individual on the receiving end.  information about the new scanning technology is readily available.  however, the media chooses to use phrases such as 'naked scanners' and 'nudie photo booths,' instead of the actual machinery titles.  the media chooses to tout their opinions and conjectures before or instead of hard research. 

 recall, if  you will, the american public stating that they were not impressed with the amount of effort that the president has made in keeping americans safe.  his reaction, in conjunction with the department of homeland security, was to improve safety and security.  and now everybody hates that too.  i am not a popular or important person.  i do not have a radio or tv show.  but i can research and i can explain procedures that i work with every day, which is a measure of experience that the media does not have.

 the full body scanner is like an xray machine, in that it can see through layers.  it is different than an xray machine in many ways.  the images officers view are like shadows, with different shades representing different mass densities.  faces are deliberately digitized.  foreign objects are clearly shown, and anomalies in body contours need to be checked.  that is why passengers are asked to completely divest everything in their pockets.  officers viewing the images are in a closed room, offsite in order to maintain a higher level of privacy.  i do not have hands-on knowledge of the screening room itself, and i would like to thank that particular courthouse in florida for completely discrediting a fantastic system and causing a whole lot of difficulty for thousands of people on both sides of the body scanners every day.

 ionizing radiation from this machine is less than 10 microrem - which is less than half of the government safety limit for scanning equipment, and the same amount you would get from two minutes in an aircraft at cruising altitude.  the full body scanners have been safety tested thoroughly by the FDA, and the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Lab, most recently in august 2010.  so, according to the hype, TSA, the FDA and johns hopkins physicists are all liars?  if you say so, and you're in the media.... then you must be correct.

 the patdowns are invasive.  i don't like doing them.  i have not met an officer who says, "man, i can't wait to pat someone down!!"  none of us want to put our hands in your sweaty crotch.  it is tiring work, yet i could fill a bin with the things women stuff into their bras and think they can get away with it.  none of us want to see you naked, either.  heap upon that the stress of travelers who are scared of being 'violated,' officers who are scared of being punched (as many bloggers have stated they will do if patted down), the time crunch of people who refuse to allow enough time for screening procedures, and crew members who insist upon a separate set of rules.... this is a high stress environment for everyone involved.  i notice that the media is all about heaping ugly words like 'child molester' on my head, but have not mentioned that the patdowns for minors (under 13) are not the same as patdowns for adults.  again, their journalistic research abilities fail to impress me.

 as for national opt-out day, next wednesday, the busiest fly-day of the year:  i screen one passenger at a time.  the line-length does not make me move faster or exempt anyone from screening.  i get paid if you go through the machine or get patted down, whether you make the choice to protest and possibly miss your flight or not.  i go home at the end of my work day even if your flight crew is standing in the protest line while your flight is supposed to be pushing back from the gate.  and from what i hear, the FAA fines for delays are pretty stiff.  the opt-out day does not overly concern me.  i just hope we don't run out of gloves.  because i'm not touching anyone without my gloves.

 a note for everyone calling me, and my fellow officers, sexual predators: next time you go in for your annual medical exam, try calling your doctor that foul name and threatening to sue if you are touched and note their reaction.  after all, your doctor is just doing their job - kind of like me.

sink searching

 

welcome to the dishwasher for dummies class.  no, no, don't get comfortable; we are moving right into the lab portion of the class.  no need for silly books, when this whole thing is literally hands-on. i want you to get the most out of your class this evening.

 

gather 'round.  this rectangle here, this is the sink.  i know most of you have never seen one before because it is usually stacked up with smelly things called "dishes."  the dishes are smelly because they have old food on them.  when you eat food on dishes and plates, but you don't eat all of it, and there are pieces of food and sauces left behind, they rot.  the icky smell is what happens when food rots.  you really want to wash the dishes off before the food rots.  it is healthier for you in the long run and your house will smell nicer.  yes, i promise that will help.

 

now, i have some examples of dirty dishes here, and we are each going to practice different techniques of not only rinsing the food off the dishes, but actually putting the dishes in this magic little box called a dishwasher.  a dishwasher is a machine with special racks to hold dishes that mixes soap and hot water together and throws that soapy water all over the dirty dishes to make them clean and fresh.  no, dear, you can't put the paper ones inside - the dishwasher is for dishes that you *don't* throw away.

 

this is a glass of milk from an hour ago.  this is a glass of milk from three days ago.  see the difference?  let's try to just rinse the glass out.... this one from an hour ago is all rinsed.  now we put it into the dishwasher upside down - i know!  funny, right?  tsk, tsk.  look at this glass of milk from three days ago... ew. nasty smell, and oh, no.  we can't get all the milk out, and oooh, nasty little chunkies are sitting in the sink now.  how did that happen?  the answer is science.  because we let the milk "age," it wanted to become cheese.  we don't want it to become cheese, because none of us are trained cheesemakers and we would make ourselves sick on rotten cheese.  anyway, so this icky milk stuff won't come out.  here we have a special tool.   i want you to think of this tool as your friend.  it is a scrub brush.  these long pointy things will lean on the glass and the milk chunks and when you add some warm water (oooh, more stinky, yes!!)  and a dab of soap, that glass is rinsed out.  now, just because you rubbed some soap and warm water on it, doesn't make it clean yet.  this water isn't nearly hot enough to kill the germs that grew in the milk to make it chunky, so it still has to go in the dishwasher - yay!  upside down! - just like the other one.

 

next we have a bowl of cereal.  or what's left of a bowl of cereal.  we can pour out that milk and oops, a few pieces of cereal are stuck to the side.  here.  you try.  sure, you can use your fingernails.  what else...?  yes!  the scrub brush!  here's an easy one, a plate with sandwich crumbs, just whoosh under the water and it's done.  fabulous.  lastly, i would like to try out this lasagne pan; it doesn't look very nice, does it?  hm.  how exactly do we get this rinsed?  you - the scrub brush!  give it a try.  oh.  hm.  what's that?  it isn't getting clean?  this is baked-on grime and this calls for a little bit of effort.  now we break out the scouring pads or steel wool.  this bad boy will shave the skin from your bones if you aren't careful, so use this sparingly.  see how it takes off the blackened sauce?  well, yes, your fingers are bleeding, but man up please.  if you had washed the dish right away, it wouldn't be this difficult.

 

now, i would like you to take note that we are putting the dishes right into the dishwasher and not stacking them on the counter or leaving them in the sink.  everyone see that?  should your dishwasher fill up, THEN you can temporarily stack some dishes up on the counter, but it should only be until the clean dishes are put away.  they should not linger for days. 

 

now, here is a very important point: once the dishwasher is full, put some special soap - Dishwasher detergent, NOT dish soap!! - in this little cup in the door.  when you put the soap in here and close the lid, it will pop open in the middle of the cycle just exactly at the right time.  so, we have dishes loaded, we have dishwasher detergent, now we have to close the door and... don't forget to TURN ON the dishwasher.  it will make funny slosh sounds while it cleans the dishes.  that is okay.  noise is a good thing.  no noise means you didn't turn it on.

 

it will take about an hour, sometimes more, to wash and steam the dishes.  then you have to take those clean dishes out of the magic dishwasher box and put them away.  not on the counter!!  they go in the cupboards.  it's like a matching game.  find other dishes that look similar and put them on the same shelf.  yay!!  then if you still had dishes stacked on the counter - you betcha! - put them right into the dishwasher when it is empty. 

 

our test will be a practical exam, so come right into the kitchen please...

road trippin

mileidy had a story problem on her math paper the other day...

 "the chan family took a trip to visit cousins over the summer.  they set the trip meter to 0 before they left.  they traveled 42 miles before they stopped at a rest stop.  when they stopped for lunch, they had traveled 100 miles.  by the time they reached their cousins' house, they had traveled 138 miles.  how far did the chan family travel between the rest stop and where they ate lunch?  how far was the rest stop from their cousins' house?"

 

 my answers:  if the chan family had to stop twice only traveling 138 miles, they planned poorly.  if mr. chan had his wits about him, he would have packed the car the night before, served up breakfast at 7 am and been at the cousins' house long before lunch time.  seriously.  who has to stop twice in 2-1/2 hours?  better learn to hold it or get some depends, that's for sure.  and now you're hungry?  see, that's what breakfast was for.  you can have a nice warm glass of shut the hell up.  you live close enough that i can cancel this little trip right now, so don't make me turn this car around.  138 miles and you need a rest stop and lunch.  please.

driving home

there was an accident tonight involving a HUGE truck and a kitty.  i stopped my car, jumped out (my daughter put the flashers on), and put a warning triangle in the road to keep another car from mashing the kitty into pudding.  aside from that, there was nothing i could do but call 911 and ask for animal control.  i could tell from the injuries that a cleanup was going to be needed, nothing more.  no one would need to be notified, since no one bothered to collar her.

 the kitty let out her final meow to the world and i glanced up, away from her still form in the bright lights of oncoming traffic.  a shooting star glittered but a moment.  i mentioned the star to my eldest child, who was fighting back tears. 

 "maybe she was a good kitty," she said.  "make a wish."

my new game

 it's getting crowded in here.

for every yard sale i have intended to have, but don't have time to run....

for everything that is not broken, but we don't actually need anymore...

for everything that i have saved because "so-and-so could use it," but they never received it...

for all the things that i'm certain can't be just thrown in the trash and must be disposed of properly, somehow...

for that effing dump run i have meant to make since i fell down the steps in march...

my house is a mess.  it's time for a lively game of Throw That Shit Out.  quick.  before someone sees this mountain of mayhem and puts my name on the list for that hoarders show.  because it's not like i want to save this stuff forever.  it's just a waste to throw it in the garbage.  a while back it was a money thing; we were gonna have a yard sale to make up some cash we spend on back-to-school.  eh.  over-rated.  that was a lot of effort for very little cash.  not interested anymore.  i have several bags heading to the goodwill...around here somewhere.  i get them all packed up and then run out of time to deliver.  so they sit.  and then they get moved when i "clean."  which means moving the piles around to somewhere i, nor any of my houseguests can see.  which means my bedroom. 

i am currently awaiting a quote from a mini storage place, hoping that if i sign a contract and pay up front for a year, i can get a really good deal.  if they don't go for it, i'll take another place that is cheaper, but more difficult to get into due to the traffic on that road. i want to send away all the camping gear, christmas decor, spare room linens (since we don't have a spare room), old uniforms that i'm required to keep, awesome home-made halloween costumes, fancy cake pans and party decor.... stuff that i DO use, but not often enough to justify moving it around to get the stuff i use weekly.  then i can put the regular stuff on shelves instead of on the floor or in piles.  what a concept!!

meanwhile, on the computer, i've learned that you can mix kitty litter with latex paint and leave the can unlidded in your regular trash.  i didn't know that.  i also learned that you can recycle those green camping propane bottles... just not in maryland.  so they have to be purged and trashed.  such a shame.  i will rid our home of all these useless broken electronics (that someone insists we will get fixed, for whatever reason) on october 2.  the boy scouts are hosting an electronics recycling event from 8-12 at the harford senior center.  they keep the money for the metals taken from inside and i get the crap out of my way.  double w00t.

THEN, when i have found my floors, my shelves, and my walkways (especially the walkway in the storage room and the stairway into the attic), i can bring in contractors to get quotes to get the damn attic done.  i put it off all summer because i could not stand the thought of re-fitting insulation in the broiling attic under the beauty of the mid-atlantic sunshine.  and when the attic is finally turned into bedrooms and storage....

we can demolish the moldy basement.

anybody available on thursdays and/or fridays (depending on my volunteer scehdules, unfortunately) is welcome to show up at the door in grubby clothes at 9am and help me.  -->this is a plea for help. checking email one last time for an update from the mini storage and signing off to hunt down the already packed goodwill bags and load them up.  and then stuff some more.

cheese it, man

so, lately, i have been stepping outside the boundaries of normal (you don't say!) in order to try to resume eating food that i love... from the realm of dairy.  let me just say, it has been an unforgettable journey.  unfortunately.  you see, we don't know why i can't eat foods made from cow milk.  i cannot drink lactaid milk.  taking little pills before eating and drinking does little to nothing to help.  and i break out in hives down my throat (i can feel them swell!!) if i drink straight soy products.  which brings me to the desperate and experimental stage.

let's go vegan.

 i already discovered the Rice Dream (Hain Celestial Group) family of products.  rice milk is thinner than skim milk, and i have to buy vanilla flavor to choke it down at all, but it works when i want a glass of milk with dinner or dessert and it pours over breakfast cereal.  they improved their rice milk by adding the calcium and vitamin D found in the same sized serving of a glass of milk, so i no longer feel like i'm missing out on that important piece of my nutrition.  i went in search of their ice cream products and have not been disappointed.  again, they are thinner than regular ice cream, but when i'm watching four kids nosh on baskin robbins sundaes and i only get a nice glass of water, i'll take the rice dream any day.

 behold, next to the rice dream, there was Purely Decadent (Turtle Mountain, LLC).  made from either soy or coconut milk, i get to choose!  sweet, creamy flavors of ice cream like coffee, cookie dough, caramel, snickerdoodle... even the plain vanilla is good enough to eat without adding toppings.  on my first trip to Whole Foods market, i found out that they make a line of cultured coconut milk that tastes and acts like probiotic yogurt smoothies.  i am in love.

 so i boldly stepped into the land of cheese.  Rice Vegan (Galaxy Foods) had packages of cheddar flavored american cheese slices right there next to the Kraft Singles.  on a sandwich with meat, lettuce and dijon mustard, it does, indeed taste like a processed cheese food.  it will do for now.  i won't wander into the kitchen and grab a slice of cheese as a snack like i did in the past.   however, tearing it into chunks and throwing it atop hot macaroni noodles in a mad desperation for mac -n- cheese: FAIL.  a hot mess of shiny yellow glue formed inside my bowl and i scraped that gunk out with my fingernails for a good 10 minutes after the first bite.  next trip, i found smallish bricks of cheddar that proclaimed melty satisfaction was guaranteed.  it's a little grainy just sliced and eaten raw; again, it will do for now.  we made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and Rice Vegan stood up to its claim.  did you hear??  i ate a grilled cheese sandwich for the first time in two years.  two.  years. 

 more more more!!!!  as recommended, i tried Wegman's and found their vegan selection lacking.  i picked up two different brands of cheese, Vegan Gourmet (Follow Your Heart Foods) monterey jack and Daiya mozzerella shreds.  Vegan Gourmet proudly touts, "IT MELTS!" on the package.  when i sliced the monterey jack, it was slimy; the consistency was more like a quiche.  it was grainier, like it had powder not quite all the way mixed in.  it doesn't melt so much as it lays down flatter and soaks into bread.  the flavor left much to be desired (i liken it to a hot salted wet noodle on bread), and i am considering just tossing it. 

 the Daiya (Daiya Foods, Inc) mozzerella shreds had me a little concerned.  "it melts!  it stretches!"  it looks like sawdust in color and texture through the little plastic window.  it feels like playdough crumbs as i sprinkle it onto my half of a large pizza, ready to go into the oven.  when i pull the pan out, the regular mozzerella looks creamy white next to the yellowish urine color oozing across my half.  so desperate for pizza am i that i didn't even wait for the pizza to cool enough and burnt the roof of my mouth on the first bite.  well, it feels like cheese so far.  it has a creamy texture like that of cream cheese and it tastes sharp, like a bit of goat cheese is in there somewhere.  but it was good enough for me to want to eat it again. 

 i haven't yet found a suitable sub for sour cream.  plain coconut yogurt is too sweet to eat on tacos and baked potatoes.  but i did find  Chavrie spreadable goat cheese, in which i dip my crackers.  it can replace cream cheese when i want a savory taste, and i suspect it might be good on a baked tate.  but i have found that i can't eat a whole serving of it without developing the same (much milder) symptoms of eating dairy foods.

ink

the ink, it boils black inside my heart.
bubbles rising from the deep.
turn my face and thoughts to no avail;
steady burns the hole you've placed.

the slow and creeping tendrils
press my screams into my lungs,
slice my tears into my skin,
draw the dark across my eyes,
numb the sound of my own sobs.

so twist my heart and bury deeper,
deeper still than words can pierce.
let the ink dissolve your face, your voice
and your every poisoned lie.

peach frozen yogurt. oh. em. gee.

 5 large, ripe peaches, peeled and cut into chunks

1/2 - 3/4 cup sugar (to taste - i found 3/4 cup too sweet)
juice of 1 lemon
2 cups plain whole milk yogurt

"ripe" means when you pick it up, you have no choice but to try to eat it on the spot, it is that much of an instinct.

1. peel and thinly slice peaches.
2. place onto baking sheet on wax paper and freeze solid, about 3 hours.
3. combine sugar (to taste) lemon and a splash of vodka in a blender. (the vodka is to keep the mix from getting icy.) add a few peaches and blend.
4. add frozen peaches to blender 1-2 at a time, blending fully before adding more.
(if you are kate, stop here, scoop out a scant 3/4 cup and set aside.)
5. pour yogurt into the blender and blend until creamy. the whole blending process might take 20 minutes.
6. spoon evenly into serving dishes and refreeze for 45-60 minutes. makes 6-8 approx 2/3 c serving.

~D~I~V~I~N~E~
our peaches rested in a paper bag and went from hard to perfect in 24 hours. because i can't have dairy, i scooped mine out before i added the yogurt, and let me tell you, it is heaven on a spoon at that step as well. it is glorified frozen babyfood, yes, but.... just go make some. the kids want me to add strawberries next time. yums.