pay it forward

 

that phrase has special meaning to me, and although initially it had nothing to do with the movie, i stole the title to suit my needs.  it is something i have tried hard to live by for these past nine years.  i think i feel so compelled to write because today is that day.  and i just now noticed.

 nine years ago we lived in arizona.  it was not nearly the fun park ride we thought it would be.  we separated from the military, determined to settle down near family for the first time in our marriage - seven years.  we left the air force with nowhere to live, and no income.  boy was that stupid.  we tried several things, a few avenues panned out.  i worked as a security guard at night and took care of the kids during the day while tad was in school.  and no.  i didn't sleep.  i got a dozing-nursing-nap with then-infant lars when i got home at sunrise until it was time to get bria to first grade.  a second hard-core nap when seamus and lars slept in the afternoon.  if they both slept at the same time.  then pick-up from school, fix dinner and off to work.  that was a long six months.  i walked away from that job with an eye-twitch and a stutter.  and some very good friends.

 these friends didn't have daily contact with me after i left my job at christmas, but came to take care of me and my babies when tad was out of town.  i landed on the floor of the bathroom, calling people out of my address book for help.  two of my co-workers took turns at my house between their shifts.  i drove myself to the ER, stopping to be sick three times on the way there.  and one of them stayed with me when i got home.

 one night in february, they showed up at the door with a trunk full of groceries.  i hadn't called.  i wasn't part of any kind of community anything.  we were literally down to our last crumbs.  i had no idea how i was going to feed my three kids and newly-discovered-pregnant me.  between the last paycheck from one job and the first paycheck from the next... we were stuck in a bad way.  these women showed me what it meant to be a friend.  they walked right in the front door with two bags of groceries each arm and another four in the car.  they hugged the kids while i tried not to cry.  they hugged me and then i cried. 

 i don't have a religion. 

i don't pray.

i don't own special clothes or trinkets or books.

i don't find it necessary to sit in a special building on a certain day and chant and sing things in a particular order.

 i simply pay it forward, every chance i get.  i have learned that no matter how small your actions are, it could be the biggest thing for someone else.  i try to be kind, helpful, i try to anticipate and then act.

 thank you, ladies.  for everything.