(insert expletives. they work best.)

we've all had baby-making sex. obviously. the "headboard-shaking, fall off the bed and keep going, don't answer the phone, if the neighbors heard that they need to shut the windows, oh my god more more more" sex. yeah. i thought you'd remember that. and when we were finished, we had to have something to eat. we always went to denny's for moons over my hammy and a chocolate shake. 3am, 5pm, noon, whenever. for me, that is a vague shadow of a memory from 11 years ago.

after we have kids, it comes down to "shhhhh for god's sake i just got them to sleep will you tone it down and just get it done" sex. at least mine did. for many many many years. i mean, things don't fit the same way after having a baby anyway, right? let alone four. i have no idea how it is for you-all, but i need a lift or tuck or a rubber band or something. i get a good hard shag still; we wouldn't be married if it wasn't good enough. it's not that. i just want the really good stuff back again.....now that i can appreciate it. i just want to come away (how punny) from every encounter, screaming his name like the chicks in my stories do. please? is it that much to ask?

well, i've been trying to figure out how to do just that. i have been asking questions of sex goddess gurus on a few different mommy sites, reading up on tips and techniques and experimenting. dh is loving this, let me tell you. he aids and abets my sex-quest with all due haste and no complaints. too bad i can't figure out how to get the dishes done at the same time. but i digress.

a fellow mom and sexpert mentioned to me to keep trying, that "you'll know it when you get there. you won't be able to miss it. when you do it just right it will curl your toes." no kidding. i've read the smut that goes, "she screamed in ecstasy" or whatever, and i think about how exaggerated that sounds. well, we figured it out last night. it curled not only my toes but everything in the vicinity, as well as the curtains in the next-door neighbor's dining room. i shit you not. it was all about "oh my god i can't put my knees together anymore, i don't care if i knocked over the water it will eventually evaporate, no i can't stop wiggling that's your fault i'm still shaking like that so good job already....." damn. we can't go to denny's; who's gonna watch the kids?? and i really really needed a hot sandwich on grilled sourdough with a chocolate shake chaser. i made do with a bowl of chicken noodle soup. at 1am.

oh, and i haven't stopped smiling yet today.

i got my boots knocked. bring it!