cheese it, man

so, lately, i have been stepping outside the boundaries of normal (you don't say!) in order to try to resume eating food that i love... from the realm of dairy.  let me just say, it has been an unforgettable journey.  unfortunately.  you see, we don't know why i can't eat foods made from cow milk.  i cannot drink lactaid milk.  taking little pills before eating and drinking does little to nothing to help.  and i break out in hives down my throat (i can feel them swell!!) if i drink straight soy products.  which brings me to the desperate and experimental stage.

let's go vegan.

 i already discovered the Rice Dream (Hain Celestial Group) family of products.  rice milk is thinner than skim milk, and i have to buy vanilla flavor to choke it down at all, but it works when i want a glass of milk with dinner or dessert and it pours over breakfast cereal.  they improved their rice milk by adding the calcium and vitamin D found in the same sized serving of a glass of milk, so i no longer feel like i'm missing out on that important piece of my nutrition.  i went in search of their ice cream products and have not been disappointed.  again, they are thinner than regular ice cream, but when i'm watching four kids nosh on baskin robbins sundaes and i only get a nice glass of water, i'll take the rice dream any day.

 behold, next to the rice dream, there was Purely Decadent (Turtle Mountain, LLC).  made from either soy or coconut milk, i get to choose!  sweet, creamy flavors of ice cream like coffee, cookie dough, caramel, snickerdoodle... even the plain vanilla is good enough to eat without adding toppings.  on my first trip to Whole Foods market, i found out that they make a line of cultured coconut milk that tastes and acts like probiotic yogurt smoothies.  i am in love.

 so i boldly stepped into the land of cheese.  Rice Vegan (Galaxy Foods) had packages of cheddar flavored american cheese slices right there next to the Kraft Singles.  on a sandwich with meat, lettuce and dijon mustard, it does, indeed taste like a processed cheese food.  it will do for now.  i won't wander into the kitchen and grab a slice of cheese as a snack like i did in the past.   however, tearing it into chunks and throwing it atop hot macaroni noodles in a mad desperation for mac -n- cheese: FAIL.  a hot mess of shiny yellow glue formed inside my bowl and i scraped that gunk out with my fingernails for a good 10 minutes after the first bite.  next trip, i found smallish bricks of cheddar that proclaimed melty satisfaction was guaranteed.  it's a little grainy just sliced and eaten raw; again, it will do for now.  we made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and Rice Vegan stood up to its claim.  did you hear??  i ate a grilled cheese sandwich for the first time in two years.  two.  years. 

 more more more!!!!  as recommended, i tried Wegman's and found their vegan selection lacking.  i picked up two different brands of cheese, Vegan Gourmet (Follow Your Heart Foods) monterey jack and Daiya mozzerella shreds.  Vegan Gourmet proudly touts, "IT MELTS!" on the package.  when i sliced the monterey jack, it was slimy; the consistency was more like a quiche.  it was grainier, like it had powder not quite all the way mixed in.  it doesn't melt so much as it lays down flatter and soaks into bread.  the flavor left much to be desired (i liken it to a hot salted wet noodle on bread), and i am considering just tossing it. 

 the Daiya (Daiya Foods, Inc) mozzerella shreds had me a little concerned.  "it melts!  it stretches!"  it looks like sawdust in color and texture through the little plastic window.  it feels like playdough crumbs as i sprinkle it onto my half of a large pizza, ready to go into the oven.  when i pull the pan out, the regular mozzerella looks creamy white next to the yellowish urine color oozing across my half.  so desperate for pizza am i that i didn't even wait for the pizza to cool enough and burnt the roof of my mouth on the first bite.  well, it feels like cheese so far.  it has a creamy texture like that of cream cheese and it tastes sharp, like a bit of goat cheese is in there somewhere.  but it was good enough for me to want to eat it again. 

 i haven't yet found a suitable sub for sour cream.  plain coconut yogurt is too sweet to eat on tacos and baked potatoes.  but i did find  Chavrie spreadable goat cheese, in which i dip my crackers.  it can replace cream cheese when i want a savory taste, and i suspect it might be good on a baked tate.  but i have found that i can't eat a whole serving of it without developing the same (much milder) symptoms of eating dairy foods.