the ink, it boils black inside my heart.
bubbles rising from the deep.
turn my face and thoughts to no avail;
steady burns the hole you've placed.
the slow and creeping tendrils
press my screams into my lungs,
slice my tears into my skin,
draw the dark across my eyes,
numb the sound of my own sobs.
so twist my heart and bury deeper,
deeper still than words can pierce.
let the ink dissolve your face, your voice
and your every poisoned lie.
25 August 2010
28 February 2010
Stoney River
So, there's this thing that people do, I think it's called "going out on dates." We did that. I know, right? We got all gussied up with neckties and high heels, left the kiddies at home with another adult and everything. The planets aligned just so and out we went to a restaurant rather new to our area; newer than us anyway. Being from Nebraska, I was raised on good steak. Not just any steak. The word "steak" itself on the menu does not guarantee its quality. It's the high quality, grain-fed beef that I miss, and where we went hit "fabulous" right on target. Enter Stoney River Steakhouse of Towson Town Center.
We walked in from the mall entrance and it felt like we walked into a fairytale ski lodge. The mall cacophony was unbelievably hushed. The decor was warm and inviting, with large stone fireplaces, mountainside greenery and candle-like lighting from sconces and chandeliers. Seating was arranged around the dining room at different heights, with seating in the center of the room on soft patterned sofas at low tables. Rising to the edge of the room, cozy semi-circle booths were set on pedestals, overlooking the quiet bustle of patrons. We were seated toward the back of the restaurant in one of those elevated booths, which suited us just fine. The mall was forgotten, but for a split-second view of the escalator through the large front window.
Our server, whose name I have forgotten only because I took so long to sit down and write, was awesome. Our young Tom Cruise look-alike was charming, knowledgeable and didn't bat an eye when I purposefully asked for a Pinot Grigio instead of a proper red wine to accompany steak. He was attentive enough to our table, without dropping by every five minutes. He answered our questions about the menu without hesitation and his enticing descriptions convinced us to order an appetizer.
Our Whiskey Shrimp arrived at the table perched on thick slices of lightly toasted garlic bread, the creamy Jack Daniel's grainy mustard sauce drizzled lightly across the platter. The sauce had a nice tart bite to it and the jumbo shrimp perfectly matched the crispy toast. I have never been a seafood fan, but I swore that night, this very dish would be served at our daughters' weddings; it was that good.
Perfectly timed at the finish of our appetizer, our steaks arrived. My 7 oz Cabin Filet was done to a turn; medium well all the way through and slightly more well done on the outside, just the way I like it. It was moist and juicy, which is difficult to achieve sometimes because I like my steak so well done. I selected the baked potato, due to my issues with dairy, and as potatoes go, it was certainly a potato. The Coffee-Cured Filet was divine. Marinated in coffee and then grilled to a medium perfection, this fork-tender steak had the texture of pot roast. It had a dark and nutty flavor that fared surprisingly well with the beef. Absolutely, no-holds-barred, the best steak I have ever tasted in my life. The string beans were light and crisp, and I'm told that the au gratin potatoes were tender, creamy, and flavorful.
We were too full for dessert, but the Triple-Layer Chocolate Ganache Cake covered in chocolate shavings almost won me over. Stoney River will be seeing me again. Count on it.
We walked in from the mall entrance and it felt like we walked into a fairytale ski lodge. The mall cacophony was unbelievably hushed. The decor was warm and inviting, with large stone fireplaces, mountainside greenery and candle-like lighting from sconces and chandeliers. Seating was arranged around the dining room at different heights, with seating in the center of the room on soft patterned sofas at low tables. Rising to the edge of the room, cozy semi-circle booths were set on pedestals, overlooking the quiet bustle of patrons. We were seated toward the back of the restaurant in one of those elevated booths, which suited us just fine. The mall was forgotten, but for a split-second view of the escalator through the large front window.
Our server, whose name I have forgotten only because I took so long to sit down and write, was awesome. Our young Tom Cruise look-alike was charming, knowledgeable and didn't bat an eye when I purposefully asked for a Pinot Grigio instead of a proper red wine to accompany steak. He was attentive enough to our table, without dropping by every five minutes. He answered our questions about the menu without hesitation and his enticing descriptions convinced us to order an appetizer.
Our Whiskey Shrimp arrived at the table perched on thick slices of lightly toasted garlic bread, the creamy Jack Daniel's grainy mustard sauce drizzled lightly across the platter. The sauce had a nice tart bite to it and the jumbo shrimp perfectly matched the crispy toast. I have never been a seafood fan, but I swore that night, this very dish would be served at our daughters' weddings; it was that good.
Perfectly timed at the finish of our appetizer, our steaks arrived. My 7 oz Cabin Filet was done to a turn; medium well all the way through and slightly more well done on the outside, just the way I like it. It was moist and juicy, which is difficult to achieve sometimes because I like my steak so well done. I selected the baked potato, due to my issues with dairy, and as potatoes go, it was certainly a potato. The Coffee-Cured Filet was divine. Marinated in coffee and then grilled to a medium perfection, this fork-tender steak had the texture of pot roast. It had a dark and nutty flavor that fared surprisingly well with the beef. Absolutely, no-holds-barred, the best steak I have ever tasted in my life. The string beans were light and crisp, and I'm told that the au gratin potatoes were tender, creamy, and flavorful.
We were too full for dessert, but the Triple-Layer Chocolate Ganache Cake covered in chocolate shavings almost won me over. Stoney River will be seeing me again. Count on it.
15 February 2010
randomness
whirl-ing der-vish: noun
Definition:1. somebody working very quickly: somebody who busily does many things in quick succession.
after the past nine days of sloth, something had to be done. today i banned the wii and the computer, slipped into whirling dervish mode and have a fully clean house for the first time in over a month. that is not to say that we forever live in a pigsty, just that it hasn't ALL been done ALL at once in the same day for a very long while. i take the baby step approach to cleaning usually. i'm too wiped to do it all at once, so i do one room a day. which makes for a house that looks like it's perpetually dirty.
i started the kids out with the speech, "you're going to tell me how much you hate me, throw things around and cry anyway, so please get it out of the way now." silence. "no, really. go ahead. because i'm not listening now and i won't be listening later either, so get started. you have five minutes to get it out of your system. then, we clean." collective groan. but no tears. and no one slapped anyone else, which is a definite improvement over last time. for some reason they feel the need to slap one another whilst cleaning. motivation? *shrugs* i even made them all get dressed. strangely enough, they didn't argue about that either. i think they have finally wearied of pajama day, part nine.
the bathrooms are clean. the floors have been swept, vacuumed and mopped - even under the beds. laundry is caught up, except for the random mittens and hats that will go in with towels later tonight. the kitchen counters have been cleaned off, except one which is always a work in progress. the stairs are hairless. the sheets have been stripped, changed, cleaned, and put away. the games are back on their shelves. books are back on their shelves. dinner is in the oven. the rugs have been shaken. the dishes are done. DONE!!!!! not one sitting on the counter for later! recyclables are outside in the bin. backpacks are emptied and ready to go back to school...someday, maybe in march at this rate. even the dog bowls have been washed. i think the only thing i didn't get to is windows. i loathe washing windows anyway, so meh.
since the beginning of the year, i have been handing the kids more responsibilities. they are grumbling about it, but they have finally seen the payoff. the light went "blink" when i told them to pick up their bedroom floors so i could vacuum and it only took 20 minutes. it didn't take hours because i've been making them tidy up every day in little bits. then i gave them a break while i worked. then i asked for another small chore. it didn't even take 20 minutes. the light blinked again. the whole day went smoothly because they are now used to the fact that the little steps i've shown them make the bigger jobs feel smaller.
i have succeeded.
in other news, the snow is coming down again. schools are closed for tuesday. one of four galloped down the stairs to tell me about the snow and then wandered away. the tadmaster says he hopes he makes his flight on time tomorrow, but i know better. who the hell would want to leave sunny warm arizona and come home to frozen dirty slush??! "the county is reminding residents that it is their duty to keep sidewalks clear." not saying anything against the snow removal crews because they had a monster job, but how the sock am i supposed to clear the six-foot piles of frozen glop they deposited on my sidewalks? yeeeah-no. not getting cleared by me anytime soon.
and mileidy has discovered build-a-bear. lord help us all.
10 February 2010
snow cream
"when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. when life hands you four feet of snow, make snow cream."
~3 quarts fresh snow (clean - as in, snow that has begun falling more than two hours ago)
1 cup milk
1/2 C sugar
scant 1/2 tsp vanilla
mix milk, sugar & vanilla together. pour over bowl of fresh unspoiled snow and mix until "ice cream" consistency. be creative and add fruit, nesquick, cinnamon, or use evap milk instead of regular milk.
07 February 2010
the long and the snow of it
so the forecast was big.
thursday afternoon, there was a rainbow ring around the sun at about 4pm. it's actually called the 22 degree halo and it occurs when there are ice crystals in the atmosphere. right before a blizzard is a great time to see one.
i packed a suitcase. i packed the crockpot. i packed 6 camp cots, courtesy of members of cub scout pack 475. i packed snacketies, boots, a shovel, four uniforms, and more. i forgot the camera and the swimsuit. not bad.
friday is my day off, usually. because of the enormous storm on the horizon and the fact that it would begin on my "monday, " i volunteered to come in a day early to ride the storm out like i had in december. i anticipated that a hotel would not be available or accessible (thus, the camp beds) and was pleasantly surprised to find one offered to me before 6 am. a total of six of us from my shift were staying in the hotel. we clocked out at 12:30, like usual, and went our separate ways for the time being. after all, the gentle flurries were not sticking to anything, let alone looking much like the snowpocalypse predicted. our co-workers mocked us, saying they would see us in the morning.
by check-in time, we saw how wrong they were. by dinnertime, there was already more than 3 inches on the ground.
we all caught up, miraculously on the same floor, changed into swim gear, threw my spaghetti in the crockpot and headed to the pool. i was chased around by a mob of children, whose mother explained to me three different times, that they did not make their flight to florida due to the snow. after my long day of work, which wasn't actually longer than normal but busier than normal because of everyone trying to beat the storm out of dodge, all i wanted was some quiet time to relax in the hot tub. so i left the pool and crashed for the night. sort of.
the evening shift arrived, drunk and banging doors and proceeded to carry on until well past midnight. then, at 0140, our third roommate arrived. five minutes before my alarm went off, of course. so we got up and got ready for the day while she got ready for bed. the roads were bad... it took her over 30 minutes to make the five minute trip from the airport on the hotel shuttle. there was over a foot on the ground already, and visibility was a few blocks at most. i was afraid of that. fortunately, one of our six had a 4x4 truck that could seat all six of us. i say that because when we all reported to the lobby to catch the shuttle, we were informed by the hotel staff that the last shuttle was about to leave until 5am, possibly for a very long while. she also courteously informed the 30 workers waiting on the promised transport that we "should have thought about that before checking in."
backing up.... this is the same mouth that said the same thing in december. we were told the shuttle would run 24 hours for us so we could get to work. i double-double checked that at 3pm the previous day, and so did my manager. needless to say, her snotty attitude did not start the day off well. needless to say, the shuttle driver got stuck in the snow twice. i feel for the guy, really, but that chick pissed me off. we trundled through the snow in the truck, passing the shuttle and getting to the timeclock only 9 minutes "late." late is a relative term in a blizzard, by the way.
with no flights going out and a state of emergency declared by the governor, we settled in for a long day of not letting anyone in. the most fun thing ever, let me tell you. we watched the snow fall, roamed around, took turns doing computer training, watched the snow removal (which is a lot more interesting than it sounds), took pictures and secured the homeland. no one came into work that wasn't in the hotel friday. our menu choices were subway and starbucks. hoooray for pre-planning!!! at least they didn't run out of food like last time! midway through our day we were told we'd get to work 12-hour shifts instead of eights. oookay. not a huge deal i guess. then they didn't know if we were supposed to work the same shift the next day or not. gotta love management. we adjusted plans and met at chili's for dinner. i turned in earlier, hoping for more sleep.
i got it, but was still awoken by the evening shift. the loud guys downstairs and our roomie again. this time she flipped on lights and talked on her cell phone while we tried to sleep. um, yeah. thanks, babe. i got a text from the boys' room at 3am.... apparently after i went to sleep, management made up their minds. we were supposed to arrive at 4am after all. shit. we found out that management was calling people and telling them not to come in to work... even some of those staying in the hotel. they then had to re-call them back to tell them that they did actually have to go to work. really, i have to ask, does the left hand know what the right hand is doing? does the left hand know that there is, in fact, another hand at all? because that is how sunday went.
another 12-hour shift of not letting anyone in.... almost. we heard they were letting flights out.
wait a minute, did the governor not shut down the airport until noon on monday? i swear those were the words used.... "closed" "noon" "monday". so, how is it that the airlines up and decide that the airport is open? and who in their right minds would want to get on a plane and drive it over 200 mph on a solid sheet of ice? really? is your destination more important than your life? perspective, people!!!!
since the airport was closed, there were no vendors. well, except one newsstand, starbucks and subway. no, really. i'm not kidding. so passengers are showing up at the airport wanting to go down the pier to eat. well, it's um closed. closed. yes, i said closed. no you can't go in. nothing is open. becuz it all closded. lady. don't make me smack you with this stanchion. you don't even have a ticket. no, you can't get in without a ticket. no i can't print you a ticket. because i don't work for any airlines and i don't book reservations and i don't have a computer and there aren't any flights scheduled for 5 hours anyway and NOTHING IS OPEN BECAUSE OF THREE FEET OF SNOW. did you drive here today? so you know it snowed outside? sohelpmegodsomeoneelsetalktothisbitchiamsofinished.
my sunday ended with a bag check and a definition of water being a liquid.
flights are scheduled for monday before noon. how, i don't know. those of us scheduled to work our regular hours on monday morning are dreading the dawn. we will be slammed and overwhelmed by nine million people wanting to get out of baltimore days ago. my patience is thinner than the ice i just scraped off my windshield. but at least my car is dug out. i spent some serious effort and cursed a nice blue streak in the employee lot. and at this point, i think i shall turn in... less than 4 hours until the evening shift arrives and wakes me up for my shift.
thursday afternoon, there was a rainbow ring around the sun at about 4pm. it's actually called the 22 degree halo and it occurs when there are ice crystals in the atmosphere. right before a blizzard is a great time to see one.
i packed a suitcase. i packed the crockpot. i packed 6 camp cots, courtesy of members of cub scout pack 475. i packed snacketies, boots, a shovel, four uniforms, and more. i forgot the camera and the swimsuit. not bad.
friday is my day off, usually. because of the enormous storm on the horizon and the fact that it would begin on my "monday, " i volunteered to come in a day early to ride the storm out like i had in december. i anticipated that a hotel would not be available or accessible (thus, the camp beds) and was pleasantly surprised to find one offered to me before 6 am. a total of six of us from my shift were staying in the hotel. we clocked out at 12:30, like usual, and went our separate ways for the time being. after all, the gentle flurries were not sticking to anything, let alone looking much like the snowpocalypse predicted. our co-workers mocked us, saying they would see us in the morning.
by check-in time, we saw how wrong they were. by dinnertime, there was already more than 3 inches on the ground.
we all caught up, miraculously on the same floor, changed into swim gear, threw my spaghetti in the crockpot and headed to the pool. i was chased around by a mob of children, whose mother explained to me three different times, that they did not make their flight to florida due to the snow. after my long day of work, which wasn't actually longer than normal but busier than normal because of everyone trying to beat the storm out of dodge, all i wanted was some quiet time to relax in the hot tub. so i left the pool and crashed for the night. sort of.
the evening shift arrived, drunk and banging doors and proceeded to carry on until well past midnight. then, at 0140, our third roommate arrived. five minutes before my alarm went off, of course. so we got up and got ready for the day while she got ready for bed. the roads were bad... it took her over 30 minutes to make the five minute trip from the airport on the hotel shuttle. there was over a foot on the ground already, and visibility was a few blocks at most. i was afraid of that. fortunately, one of our six had a 4x4 truck that could seat all six of us. i say that because when we all reported to the lobby to catch the shuttle, we were informed by the hotel staff that the last shuttle was about to leave until 5am, possibly for a very long while. she also courteously informed the 30 workers waiting on the promised transport that we "should have thought about that before checking in."
backing up.... this is the same mouth that said the same thing in december. we were told the shuttle would run 24 hours for us so we could get to work. i double-double checked that at 3pm the previous day, and so did my manager. needless to say, her snotty attitude did not start the day off well. needless to say, the shuttle driver got stuck in the snow twice. i feel for the guy, really, but that chick pissed me off. we trundled through the snow in the truck, passing the shuttle and getting to the timeclock only 9 minutes "late." late is a relative term in a blizzard, by the way.
with no flights going out and a state of emergency declared by the governor, we settled in for a long day of not letting anyone in. the most fun thing ever, let me tell you. we watched the snow fall, roamed around, took turns doing computer training, watched the snow removal (which is a lot more interesting than it sounds), took pictures and secured the homeland. no one came into work that wasn't in the hotel friday. our menu choices were subway and starbucks. hoooray for pre-planning!!! at least they didn't run out of food like last time! midway through our day we were told we'd get to work 12-hour shifts instead of eights. oookay. not a huge deal i guess. then they didn't know if we were supposed to work the same shift the next day or not. gotta love management. we adjusted plans and met at chili's for dinner. i turned in earlier, hoping for more sleep.
i got it, but was still awoken by the evening shift. the loud guys downstairs and our roomie again. this time she flipped on lights and talked on her cell phone while we tried to sleep. um, yeah. thanks, babe. i got a text from the boys' room at 3am.... apparently after i went to sleep, management made up their minds. we were supposed to arrive at 4am after all. shit. we found out that management was calling people and telling them not to come in to work... even some of those staying in the hotel. they then had to re-call them back to tell them that they did actually have to go to work. really, i have to ask, does the left hand know what the right hand is doing? does the left hand know that there is, in fact, another hand at all? because that is how sunday went.
another 12-hour shift of not letting anyone in.... almost. we heard they were letting flights out.
wait a minute, did the governor not shut down the airport until noon on monday? i swear those were the words used.... "closed" "noon" "monday". so, how is it that the airlines up and decide that the airport is open? and who in their right minds would want to get on a plane and drive it over 200 mph on a solid sheet of ice? really? is your destination more important than your life? perspective, people!!!!
since the airport was closed, there were no vendors. well, except one newsstand, starbucks and subway. no, really. i'm not kidding. so passengers are showing up at the airport wanting to go down the pier to eat. well, it's um closed. closed. yes, i said closed. no you can't go in. nothing is open. becuz it all closded. lady. don't make me smack you with this stanchion. you don't even have a ticket. no, you can't get in without a ticket. no i can't print you a ticket. because i don't work for any airlines and i don't book reservations and i don't have a computer and there aren't any flights scheduled for 5 hours anyway and NOTHING IS OPEN BECAUSE OF THREE FEET OF SNOW. did you drive here today? so you know it snowed outside? sohelpmegodsomeoneelsetalktothisbitchiamsofinished.
my sunday ended with a bag check and a definition of water being a liquid.
flights are scheduled for monday before noon. how, i don't know. those of us scheduled to work our regular hours on monday morning are dreading the dawn. we will be slammed and overwhelmed by nine million people wanting to get out of baltimore days ago. my patience is thinner than the ice i just scraped off my windshield. but at least my car is dug out. i spent some serious effort and cursed a nice blue streak in the employee lot. and at this point, i think i shall turn in... less than 4 hours until the evening shift arrives and wakes me up for my shift.
29 January 2010
motel 6
eight days ago, i sent my children skipping off to school, bright, shining, freshly-scrubbed faces, yummy lunches and happy birdsong in their hearts. or some kind of garbage like that. i then spent the day on my hands & knees, sorting out their dirty laundry from dressup clothes, putting away plastic vegetables and hotwheels, sweeping up dust from their dinosaur excavation kits and finding a whole load of cups and lids under the beds. i then vacuumed. i then put a load of stuff in the center of their rooms that was the "i'm not your slave; you will participate in the cleaning of your room" pile, and moved to the rest of the house.
i cleaned the bathrooms, swept floors, moved furniture and cleaned underneath. i loaded and reloaded the dishwasher twice, and hand washed the bigger pots as well. yeah. my house was a filthy cess-pool. that's what i deserve, i suppose, for daring to leave the house and work full-time for a paycheck, while continuing to volunteer in the scout troops and the school.
so imagine my utter dismay to walk into my childrens' rooms this afternoon to discover that the mess is back, more or less to what it was eight days ago. livid does not even begin to describe it. no, i don't frequent my kids' rooms. i don't wanna. i cannot see the the floor of the boys' room, from the clothes to the legos to the books and blankets. my oldest daughter has at least two full loads of laundry dirty on the floor, and another overflowing from the basket. WHERE does she wear all those clothes??? the only thing i can come up with is that she never put away the clothes i washed and handed to her last week. O. M. F. G.
the wii is off. and i mean off. not to be turned on again until my blood pressure returns to normal or tomorrow when i get home from work, whichever comes first. if i have to say "put your dishes in the sink" one more time, it's going to come out as a fist. i am so completely and totally done with this family of slobs. i can't even get the house to remain clean for ONE WEEK. i am contemplating a stay in a hotel for a week just so i don't have to deal with it. which, of course, means i'll still be cleaning it up when i get back.
i am not perfect. i tend to pile things up when i get busy. i am not asking for perfection.
i am asking for an attempt to do SOMETHING without my having to use threats or punishment. i am asking for them to keep the place tidy. i started them with a clean effing slate. just MAINTAIN for the love of socks.
is it really that hard?
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