Queen's English

Everyone knows you need a passport and special documents and airport tax fees when you visit merry “oulde” England, but how about an English dictionary? Most of the differences in our two versions of English (basic American and the Queen’s) are minor, but some of them are so dramatic, hilarious and even hostile, I had to document them, for humour’s sake. That’s the British spelling, by the way. Besides the dreamy accent in Hollywood, most differences wouldn’t even be noticed until you actually set foot on the white cliffs of Dover, or the nearest Tesco.

I give you: An Introduction to the Queen’s English, part I, Vocabulary (and a hand gesture).

When we say…. They say...

hood (of a car) - bonnet

trunk (of a car) - hood

Chevrolet - Vauxhall

bike/biking - cycling

stroller - pram/pushchair

biscuit - scone, with or without fruit

cookie - biscuit

Snack before lunch -elevenses

salad dressing - salad cream (tastes like mayo)

french fries, julienne fries - chips

potato or corn chips - crisps

snack (around 4 pm) - high tea

popsicles - ice lollies

clear soda (7Up, Sprite, etc) - lemonade

lemonade - fresh-squeezed lemon juice

carbonated non-alcoholic drinks - fizzy drinks

go out to a coffeshop/café - have a cuppa (i still say that)

stovetop - cooker

vacuuming - hoovering

mail - post

on vacation/school break - on holiday

sidewalk - pavement

yard, outside play area - garden

garden (veg, flower, etc) - veg/flower patch

ranch-style home - bungalow

2-3 story home - house

duplex = semi-detached house

apartment - flat

smart - clever

well-kempt, neat, clean - smart

grumpy - mardy

sweetie, honey, darling - duck ("Hello, Duck!")

bachelorettes - hens (Hen Night Out at the clubs)

pacifier - dummy

diapers - nappies

panties (girls) - knickers

underwear (boys) - pants

pants, slacks - trousers

sweater - jumper

jeans - dungarees

running shoes - trainers

special shoes required for gym - plimsolls (don't even know the spelling)

boots, galoshes - wellingtons, wellies

WalMart - Asda

butt - bum

private parts - bits

You'll never hear of anyone wearing a fanny pack, not because it's out of fashion, but because fanny is vulgar slang for women's bits. They call it a bum pack instead. Kids never bonk their heads, because bonking is what the parents do with their bits after bedtime.

You can't properly get mad at someone and give them the finger, without knowing which ones to hold up. That's right, plural. Hold up your first two fingers, (index and middle) with the back of your hand to the victim, give them a little wiggle or a sharp upward thrust, and you've got it. Those first two fingers were (as it was explained to me), used to pull the bowstring back in the day. A punishment for some serious crimes was having those two fingers lopped off. Men who managed to escape with out such punishment waggled those two fingers triumphantly at his assailant, and we have today's rude gesture.

This is all I can come up with for now. I think I'll try and come up with some for baking, driving and child-rearing as I experienced it. Ta!