inspired by nikya one busy knife-ful monday morning. to the tune of "jingle bells"... you know you want to sing it aloud.
Dashing down the pier
with a suitcase full of knives.
I have to catch this plane
which leaves at half-past five.
I've flown with this before.
I don't have time for this.
Why do you people pick on me;
do I look like a terrorist?
Oh, TSA, TSA: all you people suck!
Thousands Stand Around all day just to make a buck.
TSA, TSA: all you people suck!
You only Throw our Stuff Away just to make a buck.
I wrapped my cash in foil
and shoved it down my pants.
You made me take it out;
what the hell is wrong with that?
You stripped me of my watch,
my cell phone and my shoes.
What else should I take off today?
Do my shirt and pants go too?!
(chorus)
18 December 2009
12 December 2009
TSA Holiday muzak
many people comment about how cheery i am at work. little do they know that it is a grand facade, designed to get me through the trying times, so i can go home and make fun of the stupidity in song. what i'm really thinking....
'The Christmas Song'
adapted for the workplace by kate
Laptops rolling down the x-ray belt,
crashing right onto the floor.
Gallon jugs of expensive shampoo
and strollers wedged in x-ray four.
Everybody's brought some kind of present wrapped up tight;
we can't see what is packed inside:
knives with keys next to wires on block cheese
with vibrating slippers aside.
They know it's time to board their plane.
Their bags are stuffed and loaded 'way beyond what's sane.
We know that every child is gonna cry
'cause mom packed Play-Doh & pudding (those can't fly).
And so I'm offering an Excedrin
Cause headaches shortly will ensue
May your lunches be long enough and your patience run thick:
Merry-happy-Christma-Channu-Kwanzi-kah, to you!
Twelve Pains of the Holidays
adapted for the workplace by kate
twelve things at christmas that are such a pain to me:
12 unwashed patdowns
11 pocket knives
10 zippered pockets
9 children screaming
8 folding strollers
7 foreign tongues
6 ladies corsets
5 No ID's!
4 ounce bottles
3 chainsaws
2 live rounds
1 cat in the x-ray machine
'The Christmas Song'
adapted for the workplace by kate
Laptops rolling down the x-ray belt,
crashing right onto the floor.
Gallon jugs of expensive shampoo
and strollers wedged in x-ray four.
Everybody's brought some kind of present wrapped up tight;
we can't see what is packed inside:
knives with keys next to wires on block cheese
with vibrating slippers aside.
They know it's time to board their plane.
Their bags are stuffed and loaded 'way beyond what's sane.
We know that every child is gonna cry
'cause mom packed Play-Doh & pudding (those can't fly).
And so I'm offering an Excedrin
Cause headaches shortly will ensue
May your lunches be long enough and your patience run thick:
Merry-happy-Christma-Channu-Kwanzi-kah, to you!
Twelve Pains of the Holidays
adapted for the workplace by kate
twelve things at christmas that are such a pain to me:
12 unwashed patdowns
11 pocket knives
10 zippered pockets
9 children screaming
8 folding strollers
7 foreign tongues
6 ladies corsets
5 No ID's!
4 ounce bottles
3 chainsaws
2 live rounds
1 cat in the x-ray machine
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